“It’s not an issue…”: a much needed visit to Southampton

On the 20^th of last month, I headed to Southampton for another visit. This time, Kieran stayed behind at home in Blyth so that he didn’t have to take any time off work to come with me. I wasn’t going for any particular reason, except that I’d booked Mum tickets to the Greatest Days Take That Musical at the Mayflower Theatre and had said if I was able I’d go down to go with her and Harley. We’d seen the musical several years ago when it was called The Band and although I couldn’t remember much of it at this point, I did remember us really enjoying it. I’d also booked this trip while I’d been on special leave from work, during the time they were trying to find me a suitable accessible role, so hadn’t thought about the amount of time I was going for. I’d booked 12 days, which is a bit longer than my usual week or so. But at the time I hadn’t cared because I didn’t know if I’d even be returning to work. If they hadn’t been able to find me an accessible role then I’d have been dismissed. Thankfully, that wasn’t the case and I’ve just started my third full month of employment with HMRC supported by a lovely manager. However, this did mean that when I returned I’d booked rather a lot of leave with all the trips I’d taken to Southampton since February. At one point during my extended period of special leave, I was told that none of the time off I took during the leave would count towards my balance of annual leave if/when I returned to work. Unfortunately, that wasn’t the opinion HR took when my annual leave was calculated on my return. Kindly, a manager argued on my behalf and was able to get one of my week’s worth of days down in Southampton returned to me. Somehow, I’ve still managed to book all the days I need during this next year of leave off so I’m very relieved. Even if that hadn’t been the case, I wouldn’t have regretted taking this time off to go down, especially after the news we’d received the previous day. A few weeks earlier, Mum had to go back to the hospital for a scan after something in her blood levels checked from her latest checkup blood test were a bit high. They’d decided to give her a scan as a precaution to ensure everything was ok. Sadly, that isn’t the case. While at work on Tuesday the 19^th, the day before I flew down to visit everyone, I was gutted to receive a text message from Mum just after the time of her appointment asking if I was free to talk. As soon as I saw the message I knew it wasn’t good news. I’d already explained the situation to my manager who, very kindly, had said to take any call from Mum as soon as I needed to. So I took myself out of the team meeting we were all in on Microsoft Teams and rang Mum. She told me the cancer is back. It’s by her right hip and in the lymphnodes there. Shaking, I called across the desk to a colleague and asked if I could be taken to one of the quiet rooms I knew we had if we needed them. I knew my manager would realise it was bad news as I’d taken myself out of the team meeting. My colleague walked me to the quiet room and went to inform my manager while I phoned Mum back. There wasn’t much else she could tell me really, except that the mass was small and they couldn’t decide on a treatment plan until they’d seen the results of a PET scan, which they were trying to book as soon as possible. I was gutted and this time Mum sounded upset too. The last two times we’ve had this news she’s seemed quite calm, except when she’s seen us cry. This time, though, I think I’d convinced myself the cancer wouldn’t come back again, not after she’d been through chemotherapy. It’s silly, really, because I know chemo isn’t a guaranteed cure. But I guess I just didn’t want her to have to go through it all again. Once was bad enough. Twice, well, that just wasn’t fair. But three times, we’d thought surely that wouldn’t happen. But then when the blood tests came back abnormal, even by a fraction, and she told me she’d started to get an ache in her hip, I’d started to really worry. It seemed unlikely to be a coincidence. But I’d tried to stay positive, convince myself coincidence was all it was. Apparently not. It was exactly what I’d worried it would be. All I could hold onto at that point was that she was strong, had got through this before and I was going to visit the following day so could be with her and Harley. I spent that afternoon at home instead of working, as everyone told me I should. Kieran gave me lots of hugs and was waiting on the doorstep with the kettle ready when I arrived, even though I hadn’t actually told him I was on my way.

 

Around 4:30 the following day, Lesley arrived and took me to the airport for my flight. Before we left, she insisted on sending me £20 so I could buy flowers for Mum from her. It was weird saying goodbye to Kieran at the airport. It felt like he should be coming with me and I hadn’t flown on my own since the beginning of this year. But I just wanted to be in Southampton, to give Mum a huge hug. It was heavily raining when we landed and all the passengers waited on the plane for a few minutes until it had eased a bit. Dad and Sam were waiting for me in arrivals and it was great to see them. On our way to Dad’s car, the rain returned and we all got absolutely soaked. Despite my waterproof coat, my sweatshirt was still soggy. We went for food at McDonalds: Sam had a burger meal, I had a nuggets meal plus a portion of mozzarella dippers and Dad had his usual toffee latte. Afterwards, we stopped at Tesco on our way to Mum’s so I could buy the flowers Lesley had asked for. I spent £15 on two big bunches. By the time I reached Mum’s front door, I was even more soaking wet. I gave her the flowers and explained that they were from Lesley. She was very grateful and there were a few tears. The rest of the evening was spent talking, mostly about Mum’s news and what we thought might happen next. Obviously, it was all speculation; we wouldn’t know for sure until after the PET scan. But somehow it seemed to help to talk about it.

 

While Harley did their volunteering befriending telephone calls and Simon slept after his night shift, on Thursday morning Mum and I caught the bus into town to start my very early Christmas shopping. As Mum enjoys shopping and it gives us a reason to get out of the house, we thought we might as well get started. Plus, it’s a lot easier doing my shopping there as quite a lot of the recipients live down south anyway so doing it up north then posting it down would be impractical. We went to quite a few shops before stopping at a bakery and getting ourselves some lunch, which Mum spent the remaining £5 of Lesley’s flower money on a posh baguette and cake. That evening, Mum made cornbeef hash for dinner, one of our regulars when I was living at home; it was as nice as it always had been.

 

On Friday, while Simon’s car was in the garage having a new chip fitted, we wandered around Matalan and Home Bargains, picking up some nice bits and pieces. Then, we sat outside Costa for a while. When the car was eventually ready, we went to B&M bargains and did some more shopping before going to the nearby Ship Inn pub for dinner. Harley and I had a portion of loaded potato skins each and shared what was meant to be my macaroni cheese, which was huge and I wasn’t enjoying that much. Luckily, the potato skins were also huge and very nice. Mum and Simon shared creamy mushrooms, calamari and loaded potato skins for starters. Simon also had macaroni cheese but Mum just had the starters as they were enough for her. We just got everything to come out together as it made it easier for everyone. Overall, it was a nice meal; I’d just pick something different for a main meal if we go again.

 

The following morning around 11, Dad and Sam picked us up for a day of shopping in town. Beforehand, we popped into see Nan and Grandad. Sadly, Grandad still isn’t doing very well. He doesn’t talk much these days but still looks and smiles at you. He’s definitely still listening because Harley says he responds visually. Apparently, when I spoke to him and held his hand I got a huge smile and he squeezed my hand back. We had a good afternoon shopping in town. We went to Poppins for lunch: Dad had his usual brunch with beans; Sam had a cheese and bacon burger and chips; Harley went for chicken strips and chips; I had a tuna and cheese panini and chips. Although we used to complain about how often we went for food at Poppins with Dad, their menu does have a huge variety and the food was absolutely lovely that day.

 

That evening, while Mum and Simon were out, Harley baked cookies with a cookie dough mix we’d bought the previous day at B&M. It made very tasty cookies that were a lot like the ones you get from Dominoes. We watched the rest of Hebburn that we’d started during my last visit. My day had been made even better around 5pm when the tune of the Disney boat could be clearly heard from my room at Mum’s. It’s only coincidence but it always seems to be in dock when I visit. I love hearing it and shouting to Mum and Harley when it plays its tune, just like we always used to when I lived there.

 

The next day, Mum cooked a roast dinner for the four of us plus Simon’s mum and her partner. There was gammon and chicken with roast potatoes, Yorkshire puddings, stuffing, cauliflower cheese, broccoli, carrot & swede mash and obviously lots of gravy. We had strawberry cheesecake for pudding. Everyone thoroughly enjoyed the meal. During and after we ate, I was listening to the Liverpool vs West Ham match, which Liverpool won 3-1, and afterwards Sheffield United vs Newcastle. Amazingly, Newcastle won the match 8-0, setting some new Premier League records. Kieran was texting me the lyrics to some of the Newcastle players’ songs and I could imagine him singing them at the top of his voice in the flat. Later, we watched Paul Ogrady For The Love Of Dogs, Gogglebox, Pitch Perfect 2 and Match Of The Day.

 

Harley and I spent Monday with Dad and Nan doing Nan’s weekly shop. We went to Portswood and ended up in the Poppins there for lunch. As she doesn’t get to go out for dinner nowadays due to needing to be with Grandad, we insisted Nan treat herself to a proper meal; she chose ham, egg and chips which has always been a favourite of hers. Of course, Dad had his brunch with beans. I went for another panini, this time bacon, mushroom and cheese, which was also very nice. Harley had a jacket potato with cheese and beans and was very pleased to find they’d put enough butter on, usually an annoyance of theirs with Poppins. Afterwards, we stayed a little while at Nan’s to see Grandad and chat with Auntie Clare who’d been sitting with him. Later, Mum cooked some homemade chips to go with the leftover meat from the roast dinner. She and Harley added coleslaw and I had some beetroot with mine; it made a very nice meal. While we ate, we watched Pointless, Catch Phrase and Strictly.

 

By the time Harley and I got up on Tuesday morning, Mum had already caught the bus to the hospital for her PET scan, which had been arranged quickly as promised. We were able to see her briefly when she got home, just before Auntie Clare picked us up at 12:15 and took us to Nan and Grandad’s. We spent the afternoon with them and our cousin Lou and her 2-month-old baby daughter Fleur, who is absolutely gorgeous. Lou and her husband have been waiting a long time for a baby and Fleur is the miracle result of IVF. Lou is completely smitten with little Fleur and a great mummy already. I never miss an opportunity for a baby cuddle and it was great to catch up with Lou. Obviously, it was a great chance to spend more time with Nan, Grandad and Auntie Clare too. Grandad was asleep most of the day but Lou took a lovely picture of him smiling with Fleur laid next to him on his bed. Also, Nan made a little spread of food for lunch including sandwiches, warm sausage rolls, crisps, pasta and some little cakes. Harley had brought some of their homemade cornflake cakes which everyone enjoyed. All in all, it was a rather lovely afternoon. That evening, we watched some women’s football and Mum ordered Dominoes for herself and I. She had some chicken wings and I had a bacon and chicken wrap with some potato wedges.

 

Wednesday was a working from home day for me. I’d agreed with my manager that I’d work a couple of days during my visit so that I didn’t use up so many of the few annual leave days I have left. I worked my usual home working hours of 9 til 5. At lunchtime, Harley ordered Subway for themselves and me while Simon took Mum to the doctors for an emergency appointment about her chest. She’d been feeling a bit rough with a blocked nose and sore throat but it seemed to be getting worse and at times she was struggling to catch her breath. She returned with antibiotics for a chest infection and instructions to go to the acute ward, where she went if she was worried about chemo side effects, if it got any worse. After I’d finished work, Mum cooked lasagne, some sliced potatoes with bacon and a cheesy garlic bread for dinner; again, another of our regulars when I was living there. As always, it was lovely. I listened to Liverpool vs Leicester, which Liverpool won 3-1.

 

I spent Thursday morning with Jenny, who picked me up and took me to her house to meet her new Bedlington terrier Digbie. Digbie is very fluffy and cute. We spent the time chatting and I enjoyed the salted caramel milkshake she’d bought me. I also met her husband Simon for the first time, which was nice because she’s talked about him lots over the years. Later on, Mum’s Simon drove Mum, Harley and I into town so that we could go for a meal before the musical at the Mayflower. He’d decided not to join us as he had work that night. We went to the Italian restaurant L’Osteria. Which we’d never tried before. Mum had a mushroom risotto, Harley spaghetti Bolognese and me a pizza with salami, ham, mushrooms and pineapple. We shared some garlic dough balls for a starter. The food was really nice, although the portions were far too big. Even so, Mum enjoyed hers so much she ate it all, which is rare for her these days as the original operation she had means she can’t eat as much because it’s too much for her stomach. Afterwards, we popped into a couple of shops before catching the bus that took us a couple of stops to the train station, from which we only had a short walk to the Mayflower. We bought some merchandise, a program and two fridge magnets, then headed to our seats. The musical was brilliant. The storyline was lovely and reminded me, not that I need it right now, that you never know what’s around the corner. I’m so glad I got Mum the tickets because we all thoroughly enjoyed the show.

 

Friday was my second working from home day. In the morning, I took a break to try and get tickets to Take That’s concert at ST Mary’s stadium in Southampton next year. Originally, I’d planned to get them for just Mum and Harley to go together. But Mum then said Simon would quite like to go as well. Then, after the show the night before and seeing how much Mum enjoyed it, I knew I wanted to be at the concert to see her enjoy that too. Until now, Mum and I have gone to Take That together. The first time was at the O2 in London in June 2017. Then, in May 2019 they played St Mary’s. To begin with, Mum acted as if she wasn’t bothered about going. Again, after seeing her reaction to the musical the night before I knew that wasn’t true. Annoyingly, my app had logged me out, despite me making sure it was ready. I messaged Sam, who I knew was also trying to get tickets, to see if she was having similar problems with her app or the website. But she said it was fine. Eventually, she joined the queue for me, in the hope that one of us would be successful. But by the time we got there, all of the tickets for the St Mary’s show were sold out. There was some expensive standing tickets still available but I knew standing wouldn’t be any good to Mum or Harley. Desperately, I asked Sam to try queues for the shows at the O2 in London, thinking somehow we’d be able to make it work. While we were waiting, Mum shouted up that they’d announced a second date at St Mary’s. I told Sam straight away and she got in the queue. By now, Mum realised I was trying to get tickets and had joined the St Mary’s queue. But she didn’t press the right button for cheapest tickets so when quite pricy ones came up we assumed the cheaper ones had sold out. But then Sam phoned, saying she had four of the lowest priced tickets but actually in good seats if I wanted her to go ahead. At this point, Mum also said she had them. As Sam was already further forward, I asked her to buy them for me and I’d transfer her the money. So she did. We have four tickets to the second date of the Take That concert at St Mary’s next June. Mum was very pleased. I’d decided that I’d buy a fourth ticket provisionally for myself and if I couldn’t get time off work for it someone else could have it. After all the drama of securing the tickets, I actually managed to get quite a bit of work done for the rest of the day. Later on, Mum and Simon went to the kebab van we’ve always loved and Simon bought everyone dinner. Sadly, the food wasn’t as nice as it usually is; the chips were a bit soggy when they’re usually crispy. We spent the evening watching Brassic.

 

The following afternoon, Dad picked us up at 1:30 and we went to Bitterne where I did a bit more Christmas shopping before Dad and I had our hair cut. Afterwards, we went to Nan’s and everyone decided what they wanted from the chip shop so Harley could phone through the order. While Nan and Harley sorted the plates out, Dad and I went to collect the food. All together we had: an OAP’s fish and chips for Nan; two battered sausages (even though we only asked for one); two fish cakes; a portion of chicken nuggets; a pot of curry sauce; and a medium chips. Everyone thoroughly enjoyed the food, even Grandad managed a few chips, a bit of fish, a piece of fish cake and a little bit of sausage. Nan said that was the most he’d eaten in quite a while, which made me very happy. While we ate, we watched the Tottenham vs Liverpool match which ended 2-1. It was a really lovely afternoon with Dad, Harley, Nan and Grandad, thanks to Kieran having the idea before I left. I’m so glad we did it and had that time to spend together. Harley even managed to get Grandad to say a couple of words, although his voice is very raspy now and it clearly takes a lot of effort. But it was good to just be there and make some good memories, especially after Grandad being poorly last time I was down. I squeezed his hand extra tight and gave Nan a big hug when it was time to say goodbye.

 

To begin with, on Sunday morning we were all going to go out somewhere for dinner. But by this point none of us were feeling that well. Although you can’t catch chest infections, it seemed like we’d all caught Mum’s cough and cold. However, Mum hadn’t done anything the previous day so was a bit fed up of being in the house and I always take any opportunity to go out I get so the two of us decided to go into town for lunch. Neither Harley nor Simon really wanted to come and said they weren’t hungry. During the bus ride, Mum had the idea of doing jacket potatoes for them that night so text with the suggestion. They both seemed keen. We decided to go to Pizza Hut. It was really nice having lunch with just Mum. Being with either Mum or Dad these days is rare but actually going out for a meal with them on their own is pretty much impossible. We had a really nice time and Mum really enjoyed her chicken delight flatbread and salad bowl. I had a meal deal which included a pizza and a side. I chose a create your own pizza with ham, mushrooms, sweet corn, pineapple and a stuffed crust with a portion of fries. I don’t get fries from Pizza Hut often and had forgotten how nice they were. I also had a salad bowl and unlike when we’d visited on my birthday, the salad bar was stocked really well. Afterwards, we popped to Asda to buy the baking potatoes for Harley and Simon’s tea plus some other bits and pieces, which included treats of snowy chocolate fingers, crispy cakes and gingerbread men. Later, we watched a few more episodes of Brassic and the Netflix documentary Biggie: I Got A Story To Tell.

 

Monday meant my last day of this visit had arrived. I was feeling particularly sad about it this time due to Mum’s news. At the same time, I was looking forward to seeing Kieran again. It felt weird being away this long and knowing he was by himself, except for Coco the cat of course, at home in the flat. But mostly I felt sad. I didn’t want to leave. It’s always hard going, even when I have another visit booked, but even more so when we have bad news. Mum had been told the results of her PET scan and decision on a treatment plan would be on the 6^th of October which was only four days later. It felt weird that I would be miles away back up north when she told me them. But that’s just the way it is. I have my life in Blyth now and I love it. But that doesn’t make it any easier being so far away from them all or saying goodbye when I have to. Before the goodbyes, though, I spent the day with Mum and Harley in town so that Harley could get their glasses fixed – the arm had fallen off – and Mum could exchange some items. Once we’d finished in the shops, we decided to sit in Costa for a little while. I had a gingerbread hot chocolate, smoky bacon roll and mini caramel shortbread; Harley went for a pot of macaroni cheese and a hot chocolate; and Mum had her usual white hot chocolate with a slice of salted caramel cake. Since she’s been going to hospital regularly, Mum’s been having a lot of Costa drinks and it’s usually a white hot chocolate. That afternoon, Mum cooked dinner around 5 so that I could eat before I flew. She made omelettes with homemade chips at my request. I’m not brave enough to try and make my own yet. Mine was very nice and I was feeling very full when Dad arrived at 6:15 to take me to the airport. It was very hard saying goodbye to Mum and Harley and it took me a few minutes to feel ok again. Dad drove me to the airport and waited with me for quite a while until assistance came to collect me. I gave him a big hug too. It’s hard saying goodbye to any of them, just a bit harder right now. Although my flight was pretty smooth, at some point my ear popped and became very painful. I was already feeling pretty rubbish with Mum’s cough and cold but by the time I reached Kieran and Lesley in arrivals I couldn’t hear out of my right ear. When we arrived home, I had a hot bath, a cup of tea then led in bed with a heat pad straight from the microwave on my ear. I’m very pleased to say that now, nearly two weeks later, it’s mostly better. It still pops occasionally but I can hear again and it’s not painful anymore. Also, since then Mum has had her results. Thankfully, there was no evidence that the cancer has spread beyond what they already knew from the first scan. They’ll be performing an operation at the beginning of November and will decide on further treatment after that. Really, out of all the potential scenarios she could have received from these results, that was the best possible option. We just have to pray the operation goes well and whatever follows is positive. We need some positive and Mum needs a break longer than a couple of months. I’ve already spoken with my manager and she’s agreed I can work from Southampton for a little while around Mum’s operation so I can be there to support her and Harley. I couldn’t be more thankful or grateful to my manager for this. The idea of not being able to be there for them after Mum comes home from hospital is unbearable. I’ve been there the previous times so need to be there this time too. Whatever else has happened since I was given the job at HMRC, I couldn’t be more thankful for the work flexibility we get and the lovely manager I now have. Working those two days I did down there in September showed me I can work quite effectively there so it shouldn’t be an issue when I need to do it again.

 

The title of this post is a phrase Mum says repeatedly, especially in situations when it really is an issue. It’s funny because I hadn’t noticed it much until Kieran mentioned it but she always says it when there is an issue with something she’s got to do but doesn’t want to. It makes me giggle every time she says it now and I thought it was pretty appropriate for this post because it is a really fucking big issue!

“Don’t tickle my smelly armpit”: another visit down south

On the 24^th of May, it was time for another trip down south, mainly so I could see everyone down there again but also to celebrate my birthday. Unlike most of the times before, this time it was John who picked us up around 4:30 and took us to the airport because Lesley had tested positive for covid. We arrived at the airport quite early but still checked in fine. Assistance came quickly but sadly weren’t quite up to the usual excellent standard we’ve come to expect at Newcastle airport. Even so, we just about got through security and boarded the plane on time. It was late taking off due to staffing issues. However, it was a smooth flight and we landed in Southampton at around ten to eight. After we’d retrieved our suitcase, assistance guided us into arrivals where Dad and Harley were waiting. On the way home, we stopped off at Tesco so I could buy Mum some flowers to celebrate the all clear scan and blood results she’d received the previous day. After 6 chemotherapy sessions and an operation before that after her second cancer diagnosis, she definitely deserves some good news at last. I don’t for one second take for granted how damn lucky we are that she’s still here. A shop-bought bunch of flowers was nowhere near good enough to tell her how happy I was for this good news and how proud of her I am for going through it like a champion. I cringe at all the well-worn things people say to/about cancer patients, like they’re survivors and heroes and fighters. But I guess she is. As an extra treat, I also bought everyone a Krispy Kreme doughnut: Biscoff for Kieran and I, lemon for Mum, hazelnut for Dad and brownie for Harley. Somehow, Dad managed to eat his as he drove us to Mum’s, shoving the whole thing in his mouth. After all the hugs and hellos, Mum served us slow cooked garlic chicken with new potatoes. It was very nice. We spent the rest of the evening watching the finale of Hell’s Kitchen.

 

After breakfast the following morning, Mum and I went into town so I could buy birthday presents for Harley’s upcoming 18^th and Father’s Day gifts for Dad. On our way to catch the bus home, we popped into Asda for a bit of shopping and bought a French stick so everyone could have rolls for lunch. I spent the rest of the afternoon sitting in the sunshine in Mum’s back garden with Kieran, who quickly got sunburnt. That evening, Mum cooked burgers and homemade chips for dinner. She’d bought a selection of burgers so we all chose what we fancied from beef with cheese and bacon, chicken or lamb. They were very tasty. We watched Top Gun Maverick and a Tina Turner concert one of the channels was showing because it’d been announced she’d passed away.

 

Friday was another boiling hot day so Kieran and I spent it soaking up the sun in Mum’s garden. She covered us both in strong sun cream after seeing how quickly Kieran burns. That night, while Harley was out celebrating a friend’s 18^th birthday and Simon had his daughter visiting, Mum cooked a picky bits buffet-style tea. It suited the warm weather very well. It included mini sausage rolls, cocktail sausages, little duck spring rolls, chicken strips, chicken dippers, spicy chicken bits, BBQ chicken wings, pepperoni pizza and new potatoes. We had chocolate bar ice creams afterwards. We watched Catch Phrase while we ate and Travels With My Father after Simon had taken his daughter home.

 

On Saturday, we went to Go Outdoors, B&M and a healthy food pet shop before dropping everything home and going to The Red Lion Wetherspoons for some food. I had quorn nuggets, haloumi fries and curry chips; Simon and Kieran both had fish and chips; Harley had sausage and mash; and Mum went for the chicken bites basket. It wasn’t the best Wetherspoons meal I’ve had but it was nice to go out somewhere for food and to try something new there. Turns out I quite like their quorn nuggets. Just after we got home, a boat horn started blaring and I smiled a lot when I recognised that it was the Disney boat. It used to be at Southampton docks playing its tune often when I lived at Mum’s and we’d always shouted to each other when we’d heard it. It had been there this time last year, too, and it made me happy to hear it again. Kieran listened to the Coventry vs Luton championship play off match, which Luton won on penalties, meaning they got promoted. Later on, we watched Britain’s Got Talent and some boxing with Mum and Simon.

 

Around a quarter past one the next day, after Mum and Simon had left for a day out in town, Dad picked the three of us up and drove to KFC so we could buy food for everyone to take to Nan and Grandad’s. When we arrived, there was big hugs all round. It’s always great to see them but even more so since Grandad had a stroke in December. He’s changed a lot and it always makes me sad to see him as he is now. But that good old Grandad spirit is definitely still there. While we enjoyed the KFC, Nan had 60s music playing and Grandad kept naming the artists, getting the majority of them spot on; Elvis, Bill Haley and Roy Orbison had always been some of his favourites. I was very pleased that Grandad enjoyed the KFC. He managed a chicken strip, some mash potato, a couple of popcorn chicken balls, beans and some gravy. Afterwards, Nan surprised me with her lovely homemade apple crumble, which has always been my favourite thing she cooks since I was little. For years, going to Nan and Grandad’s for a meal on Wednesday afternoon was a tradition. Since Dad moved to live slightly further away and Nan became Grandad’s full-time carer, which is very draining for her, Wednesday dinners have become a thing of the past. They are some of my fondest memories of times with Nan and Grandad. Once we’d finished all the food, also including a bowl of sweets Nan had put on the table for everyone to share, Harley and I walked to the little shop around the corner to get Nan some milk. As we arrived back, Grandad’s carers had turned up for their third visit of the day. Nan and Grandad like to call them “his boys” because he doesn’t like them referred to as carers. Not long after they left, it was time for the football to start. It was the final day of the premier league season and a fixture I look forward to every year… Southampton vs Liverpool. It was a Southampton home match and although I’d looked, I hadn’t been able to purchase tickets to go. It felt weird being back in my hometown to listen to them play my team. Sadly, Southampton had already been relegated from the premier league by this point and Liverpool were unable to claim a champion’s league place. It was a great game, which we listened to on BBC Radio Solent via grandad’s little radio, and ended 4-4. Meanwhile, Kieran was listening to Chelsea vs Newcastle which also finished a draw at 1-1. During the game, Grandad took me completely by surprise when he asked where one of the Liverpool players, who they’d recently announced was leaving the club at the end of the season, was going. It made me so happy because it just shows that he is still aware of what’s happening and taking onboard some new information, even if it doesn’t stay in his memory for long. Another thing I was pleased about was that, after my suggestion, Nan tried Grandad drinking from a Greggs reusable cup and it was a success. She’d told me that he’d been struggling drinking from the straws we’d bought him to try last time and I’d wondered if the opening on a travel cup might be more suitable. Seems it worked. Around half past six, Dad decided it was time to head home. Just like last time, I have some funny quotes from Grandad to make me smile when I need it. First of all, Nan told us how, when he’d first woken up that morning, he’d turned to her and said, very seriously, “I’ve got some news… Martin’s lost his job again”. This had us all laughing, although hoping it wasn’t a premonition. The second was much more personal to Nan and Grandad, involving him casually asking her “well did you enjoy it?” and when she asked him what he was talking about he replied, “the sex”. If nothing else, it’s good amusement, bless him. The actual blog title for this post came after we were home, while Harley, Kieran and I were messing around and making each other laugh. I said “don’t tickle my smelly armpit” and it seemed to stick.

 

The following day brought my 26th birthday. I’m officially feeling very old. After we’d showered, we went downstairs where Mum had put up a balloon, banners and sprinkled confetti on the table in the front room. She always enjoys making a big fuss on our birthday, hence the crazy amount of presents she always buys. This year was no different. Amongst other things, she’d bought me a birthstone Pandora charm; lots of body shop products; some wax melts; essential oils; a microwaveable heat pack; Lush bath bombs, conditioner bar and shampoo bar; a funny Harry Potter shower cap; a Harry Potter luggage tag; a Liverpool mug. Harley gave me a cool pineapple window sign and a fidget ring; a bottle of coconut Body Shop perfume from Simon; Vouchers and money from Kieran’s family; a cool sisters Pandora charm from Imi which splits into two halves so we have one each. The only sadness was that nobody put the Stevie Wonder birthday song on, which has been a tradition in that house for as long as I can remember. Around one o’clock, we went into town and to a few shops before going up to Pizza Hut in West Quay to meet Dad, Michelle, Nan and Auntie Clare for my birthday meal. The best part about the whole thing was that Nan was able to join us. Since Grandad came home from hospital, she’s barely been out anywhere, not having many people to sit with him if she wanted to go out and not feeling it’s right to ask them. But together Auntie Clare and I had insisted this time. It was weird enough not having Grandad there with us, I didn’t want Nan to miss out too. Once everyone was there, I opened the gifts they’d given me. First, from Dad and Michelle, I got  the new 23-24 Liverpool women’s home shirt with Paige 26 printed on the back, some body shop goodies and a personalised Liverpool birthday card. Then, a card and money from Nan. Next, a big bag of body shop products from my good pal Sam (Josh, who has chosen the name Sam and she/her pronouns for herself as she identifies as a transgender woman). Finally, a dog Pandora charm from Auntie Clare. By this point, I was feeling thoroughly spoilt as I’d also received presents from Kieran in the form of gift vouchers for Pandora and Zizi that arrived by email overnight. The food was lovely. I had a salad bowl containing grated carrot, beetroot, sweet corn, peppers, crispy bacon bits and garlic mayo; a stuffed crust Hawaiian pizza with added mushrooms; and a white chocolate salted caramel cookie dough for pudding. Kieran had a stuffed crust spicy meat feast pizza and shared some of the new cheesy melts with Harley. Harley themselves had a bowl of salad and a create your own pizza with a BBQ base, chicken and ham and a chocolate chip cookie dough for pudding. Both Dad and Michelle had salad bowls and shared a portion of cheesy melts, some corn on the cob and a meat feast pizza with added peppers and mushrooms. Again, Mum and Simon had salad bowls and shared a meat feast pizza with added mushrooms. Auntie Clare and Nan also decided to share a pizza, going for half and half so they could both have what they wanted; they both had salad bowls and shared a portion of onion rings. The only complaint was that the choice at the salad bar was very limited. Just before our puddings arrived, everyone began singing happy birthday to me and a millionaire’s shortbread cake arrived, arranged by Mum. After the bill had been paid, I said goodbye to Dad and Michelle and the rest of us went downstairs to Pandora. I wanted Nan to help me choose a charm to represent herself on my bracelet. She chose a lovely sun, moon and stars dangling charm because she often puts moon and stars emojis at the end of her goodnight text messages. Lovely staff member Debbie was great at describing all of the charms with me and guiding my hands over them to show me the smaller details. She was also very intrigued by my Pandora necklace, which I’ve been adding to since 2016 and is now full. She seemed really happy to see some of the old charms they no longer sell. Later that evening, we watched more Britain’s Got Talent and I had a slice of my birthday cake, which was very nice but incredibly sweet; Mum knows my taste well. Overall, it was a pretty great birthday. I was thoroughly spoilt by everyone, was able to see most of my family and enjoyed a really lovely meal out.

 

After the busy day before, we enjoyed a few hours chilling in Mum’s back garden the next day. I ate my leftover pizza for breakfast and it was just as nice cold. Around 5 o’clock, we caught the bus into town so that I could claim my free Costa slice of cake, which is a reward you get on the Costa Club app when it’s your birthday, and use a body shop voucher. Primarily, though, we’d gone into town to meet my friend Tiny, his wife Nicky and gorgeous guide dog Millsey for dinner. We’d agreed on TGI Fridays and it turned out to be a good choice. Kindly, Tiny and Nicky had bought me a cool sequin birthday card of a football that changed colour if you moved the sequins up and down and a posh pizza slicer; this was because when they came to visit Kieran and I in December we’d had a conversation about how hard it is to cut up pizza without losing all your toppings. For the meal, I had the starter, fries and refill drink for £10 deal, choosing the Jack Daniels glazed sesame chicken strips. Mum and Harley also chose this deal, sharing two of them between them, having the loaded potato skins and Jack Daniels glazed sesame chicken strips. Kieran, Tiny and Nicky all went for the other good deal on, a starter and main course for £20. Kieran had sticky wings and the Fridays burger; Tiny chose the loaded potato skins and Fridays burger; Nicky went for Jack Daniels glazed sesame chicken strips and the quesadilla. Everyone seemed to agree the food was excellent. Even Millsey received good customer service as he was offered a bowl of water, a huge floor space to stretch out on and was left alone by the staff and other diners. It was so nice to see Tiny and Nicky again and I hope we can meet up again when I’m visiting or they have to come up north for work-related things at Guide Dogs. Once we were home, it was more Britain’s Got Talent. Mum got the song One More Time by Daft Punk stuck in her head after it was used in one of the act’s performances and kept singing it as we got ready for bed. I couldn’t stop laughing and she kept singing it every time she heard me giggle. I commented that she’d end up singing it in her sleep.

 

Auntie Clare picked Kieran, Harley and I up around half past ten the following morning and took us to Nan and Grandad’s. Nan needed to go out to do her weekly shopping so we’d arranged for the three of us to stay with Grandad while Auntie Clare took Nan out. It was nice to be able to help Nan out and even better that I was able to spend a bit more time with the three of them while I was visiting. Grandad was in good spirits again. I did my best to make conversation with him, asking him what he’d had for breakfast and whether he’d watched Britain’s Got Talent as I knew Nan sometimes did. Even though I listed as many options as I could think of, he couldn’t recall what he’d had for breakfast. But he did remember watching Britain’s Got Talent and the crazy guy who’d put a sword down his throat. Also, at one point he asked Kieran whether there was any sport on and they were able to have a little conversation about that. Around two o’clock, after Grandad’s “boys” had been for their lunchtime visit, Nan and Auntie Clare arrived with Greggs for lunch. We had sausage rolls and Yum Yums which were very nice. Just after three, Auntie Clare took Kieran, Harley and I back to hers for the rest of the afternoon. I gave Nan and Grandad big hugs before I left, trying to explain to Grandad that I’d see him next time I was visiting. I always feel that extra bit of sadness saying goodbye to them these days. I’m very aware that they’re both getting older and Grandad especially isn’t in the best of health any more. While Kieran and I lounged on the comfy sofa in Auntie Clare’s conservatory with crazy pup Teddy, Harley and Auntie Clare made cookie dough for our pudding. When Uncle Dave arrived, we all decided what we wanted from the Chinese takeaway and Auntie Clare phoned through to order. Uncle Dave went to collect it and we all enjoyed sharing curry chips, special fried rice, sweet & sour chicken balls, mini vegetable spring rolls and chicken chow mein. The food was very tasty and made a great combination for everyone. The homemade cookie dough pudding was also very nice and we were all very full afterwards. Later on, at home with Mum we watched more Britain’s Got Talent.

 

The following morning, Jenny popped round for a coffee and a catch up. She bought me some very cute birthday gifts of a handmade birthday card, dog patterned oven glove and little Labrador key ring. It was really good to see her again and nice to catch up. In the afternoon, Mum, Harley and I caught the bus into town, grabbed some snacks and drinks from the little Tesco Express nearby and went to the Mayflower to see the Disney’s Winnie the Pooh production I’d bought tickets to for Mum’s birthday. It was a kids show really but Mum loves Winnie the Pooh and it sounded like it’d be fun, which it was. We were definitely the oldest people without little children there by a mile but I didn’t care; Mum enjoyed it so it had the intended affect. That evening, Mum cooked chicken and chips with warm bread for dinner. It felt like a very summery meal. Afterwards, we had fudge cake and watched yet more Britain’s Got Talent.

 

Friday was spent in and out of the garden. The weather was still hot and Kieran was adding to his tan. I read two books: Sandi Lewis’s Living with Max, her first-hand experience of having a child with Down’s Syndrome, and foster carer Louise Allen’s Billy’s Story, which is her memoir of the sickening state little Billy was in when he was placed in her care and the horrors that emerged about what he’d been through. Although these fostering memoirs sound quite bleak, I really enjoy reading them to get a better understanding of what being a foster carer is like and the circumstances some children come from leading to them having to go into care. It’s strange because I feel like saying I enjoy those kinds of books is offensive to the children they’re written about considering the hardships they’ve been through. I guess “find them interesting” sounds just as bad but I don’t know how else to describe it. That night, Simon and Mum drove to the kebab van we’ve always loved and bought food back for everyone. Kieran and I shared a large mixed kebab with large chips. Mum and Simon did the same; Harley had chicken nuggets and chips. The food was lovely as always. We’d dithered between a Chinese takeaway or kebab and I was very glad kebab won. Yet more Britain’s Got Talent on the TV.

 

Around midday on Saturday, Simon drove the five of us to the nearby Mayfield Nurseries, a volunteer run small garden centre and café. Technically, it is within walking distance but is a bit too far for Mum, who’s still recovering from the after effects of surgery and chemo; plus, it was pretty hot out. We enjoyed a nice lunch: ham and cheese sandwich, triple chocolate brownie and a strawberry milkshake for Harley; a biscoff blondie and biscoff milkshake for me; an apple and cinnamon cake with a biscoff milkshake for Kieran; a raspberry & white chocolate cake and a coke for Mum; tuna mayo sandwich, slice of carrot cake and a chocolate milkshake for Simon. It’s a lovely little place and the food and drinks are all very fresh, being handmade by the volunteer staff. Later on, Mum and Simon went out to meet some friends to celebrate one of their birthdays. The three of us decided to order takeaway: cheesy chips and breaded garlic mushrooms for me; cheese burger with BBQ sauce for Harley, who had a few of my cheesy chips; Kieran had a burger with cheese, bacon and chilis and some chips; we shared a garlic bread. We watched an episode of Gogglebox and a documentary about Ed Sheeran. When they’d come home from their night out, Mum and Simon ordered a curry. Two more potential blog titles came that evening, one thanks to Suggs “he keeps getting his willy out” because he kept rubbing it across Mum’s fluffy mat in the front room and “I want my curry” said continuously by Mum who was staring out of the bedroom window waiting for the delivery driver to arrive.

 

At a quarter to one on Sunday, Kieran and I walked to the nearby bus stop so we could catch the bus into town to meet Sam. However, there was delays on the busses so Mum, Simon and Harley picked us up and took us into town on their way to Tesco. Once with Sam, we caught the 14:03 train to Bournemouth. After that, we got on the bus that dropped us off near The Moon In The Square Wetherspoons. We’d decided it’d be a good idea to have a meal there and sit there as long as we could before going to the Bournemouth International Centre (BIC) to see Russell Howard perform his latest stand-up tour. I had scampi and chips with mushy peas and some haloumi fries; I did order some curry sauce but it never came. Kieran and Sam had chicken burgers and chips and Kieran ordered some extra onion rings, not realising his meal already had some included. While Kieran and Sam had more drinks, I had the cookie dough sandwich, which was lovely although not warm like the description claims. At a quarter past six, we left the pub and went for a wander along Bournemouth beach. Another potential blog title came here when, as we walked, I kept saying “doughnuts” then “weed” repeatedly as the smells wafted. Russell Howard’s show had us all crying with laughter. It’s definitely the funniest live show we’ve been to in a while. Also, the reason the tour name hadn’t been found when we searched for was revealed… because he’d named the show “lucky jizz”. Dad and Michelle picked us up after the show. Sam, Kieran and Dad all enjoyed singing along to his rather diverse playlist on the way home.

 

As usual, the last day of our visit had arrived too soon. At first, this trip seemed to go nice and slowly, because it was longer than it normally is, but towards the end it flew by. We spent most of the day sat in Mum’s garden soaking up the warm weather. The forecast said Blyth was a whole 10 degrees cooler. At 4pm, Mum cooked us meatballs and nachos with garlic bread. We’d wanted to have a meal before we left because it would be late by the time we got home and there was no way we were going to cook or order something by then. Plus, I always enjoy it when Mum makes nachos with meatballs. Again,, it didn’t disappoint. By the time Dad, with Michelle and Sam, picked us up around a quarter past six to go to the airport, I was still feeling very nicely full. Big hugs all round for Mum and Harley. As always, it felt horrible saying goodbye again. My next trip to Southampton is scheduled for July to celebrate Harleys’ 18^th birthday. I still can’t quite believe they’re going to be a legal adult. If me turning 26 didn’t manage to make me feel old, Harley reaching 18 certainly does.

 

So another great visit home has come and gone. It was really great that I managed to spend so much time with all my family. But it’s never long enough. I was treated to a really excellent birthday and am so glad I managed to spend it with everyone, although it was sad Grandad and Sam weren’t there. It’s amazing to see Mum recovering from her chemotherapy. She did really well throughout the treatment, only having relatively minor side effects. The fact that she lost all her hair was the hardest thing she had to deal with. But it’s growing back lovely now; she’s certainly grumpy that she has to shave her legs again! Getting extra time with Dad was nice too, due to his new work schedule that gives him more days off each week. It was especially great to spend a couple of lovely days with Nan and Grandad. I miss them a lot and FaceTime isn’t quite as good as being there in person. Of course, takeaway with Auntie Clare and Uncle Dave plus the meal out with Tiny and catch up with Jenny were great bonuses. I can’t wait to be able to see everyone again in just over a month. Hopefully, we’ll be lucky with some more nice weather so we can enjoy Mum’s garden again. Although it’s heated up considerably up here now, the temperature really was 10 degrees cooler when we landed and it was quite a shock to the system.

“She just wants to see my willy”: another week visiting Southampton

On the 9^th of this month, it was time for another flight down south for another week’s visit to Southampton and everyone down there. Since I visited last, over the new year, quite a lot has happened. The biggest event has been my Grandad John being discharged from hospital and allowed to return home for the first time since his stroke in early December. Sadly, the impact of his stroke has been much worse than the doctors originally predicted and for quite a while nobody thought he’d be coming home. To begin with, the doctors diagnosed him as having had three minor strokes. His whole right-hand side was affected, including his face falling and being unable to use his leg or arm. Thankfully, not long after the strokes, his face returned to normal again. I think that was comfort for Nan because it was hard to see the man she’s been married to almost 60 years look so different. But of course that was insignificant as long as he was ok eventually. At first, Grandad was given physio for his arm and leg. He seemed to be making slow progress. But then things seemed to get worse. A scan was done and they found he’d had bleeding on his brain. Due to this plus his age and the three minor strokes, the doctors said the impact on him was like having a full major stroke. It was a big blow to our hopes of him returning to normal. Now, we know that’s never going to happen. They continued physio on his arm for a while but quickly decided there was nothing they could do for his leg; he wasn’t going to walk again. I know this upset Nan. It’s totally life changing for him. Although in recent years he’s become more and more unstable on his feet, he still used to go to the local shop and buy the newspaper every morning. They used to go out for their weekly shop every Thursday and sometimes out with Dad and Harley on Saturday for a wander around town and lunch out. Not the most active lifestyle or anywhere near as much as five years ago when he could still drive, but enough to keep them busy. His speech was somewhat affected, with him taking longer to respond and his words being slightly slurred. In time, his speech became clearer but he still takes a while to reply and doesn’t really start conversations. But he’d been like that a bit before the stroke. We’d all been certain he has dementia and Nan was trying to get him tested. But it didn’t happen. Now, they’re just taking it as a side effect of the stroke. But we’re still sure it’s dementia too, which has obviously made the impact of the stroke worse. Since he’s been home, he seems to have improved a bit. Nan is finding it tiring looking after him but the help of carers four times a day, when they’re competent, is making a big of difference. Before I travelled, everyone warned me not to expect too much from Grandad, that he’s changed a lot and isn’t really him any more. But I didn’t have expectations; just to see him home would be enough. But I was a little sceptical of everyone’s negativity. Over the phone, he’d seemed quite chirpy and as I’d expect someone who’s had a stroke to be. But I understood I wasn’t seeing him daily so didn’t see the good and the bad.

 

Other big things include Mum continuing to progress well with her chemotherapy and Dad starting his new job as a driver’s mate for Currys. We’ve all been pleasantly surprised how well Mum has coped with chemo. When you hear about people having it or read about it online, you always get the worst case scenarios. But, touch wood, Mum has been quite fortunate with the side effects. Of course, she’s very much looking forward to it being over and, as of last Friday, had her fifth out of six sessions. Netflix has been her main ally through it all, giving her something to focus on during the long hours of treatment. Hopefully, after her sixth session in three weeks time, only monitoring scans and physio will be a reminder of everything she’s been through. She’s looking forward to finding a new job and joining a gym to get her fitness and strength back up. Her immune system, which was notoriously rubbish before this, has coped amazingly with chemo and the doctors are really pleased with how things are going. Dad has settled into his new job quite well. Although, in usual Dad fashion, he’s not 100% happy there. Driver’s mate is always a role he’s enjoyed but he’s finding the long hours and distance driving from home to the warehouse difficult. I’m hoping that with a bit more time he’ll get used to it and start to enjoy it properly. He definitely enjoys the rota which includes three days off. This is a lot in comparison to his one day a week before. He’s able to visit Nan and Grandad a lot more, which is great given their new situation, and gets more time to spend with Harley and Michelle.

 

So, on 9 March at around 4pm, Lesley collected us from the flat and took us to the airport. We were checked in and through security quickly but the flight was delayed due to it being cabin crew member June’s 70^th birthday. According to a tweet the company put out later, June is one of their longest serving members of staff and it was a lovely gesture for the company to put on a little surprise onboard the flight she was working on her birthday itself. The CEO of the company was on the flight and had arranged personalised cupcakes for her, which were handed out to each passenger on the flight. Everyone wished June a happy birthday as they boarded and left the plane. We could tell she was really touched from the kind gestures and a little moved when she did her speech before landing. The cupcakes were lovely: plain sponge with a massive swirl of vanilla buttercream and a big icing decoration on top, which I assume was personalised with a message to June. The special celebrations were clearly totally deserved and it was really nice that the company made the effort for her. Kieran and I said we thought she was crazy working on her 70^th and hoped she would have some free time to celebrate personally with friends and family. It made for a pretty special and unique flight.

 

Dad, Harley and Michelle were waiting to meet us in the arrivals hall and there were big hugs all round. The member of special assistance staff helped us get our suitcase no problem. Dad drove us to Mum’s where she cooked lamb, beef, chicken and double beef with cheese in the middle burgers with homemade chips for dinner. We watched the films Live And Let Die and Crank, which were showing on TV channels.

 

The following morning, Dad and Michelle picked Kieran and I up around 11. We went and had a drink in Costa: a black Americano for Kieran, a decaf coconut latte for Michelle, his usual hazelnut latte for Dad and a rolo hot chocolate with a slice of lotus biscoff rocky road for me. Afterwards, we went next door and bought food from Greggs to take to Nan and Grandad’s for everyone for lunch. I bought a pack of four sausage rolls to cover myself, Nan and Grandad, Kieran had a steak bake, Michelle a chicken and bacon baguette and Dad a cheese and bacon twist; I also bought a few doughnuts in case anyone wanted one. It was so lovely to see Nan and Grandad again. I always miss them now I’m living far away but even more so since Grandad had his stroke. I just always feel like they’ll always be here, even though rationally I know they’re getting older, and Grandad’s stroke was a cruel reminder that they aren’t going to be. Nan was very pleased with the Greggs lunch. When they used to go out to do their shopping on a Thursday, they’d always sit in Greggs for their lunch and a coffee. Of course, that’s another thing they’re unable to do now. We’d been unsure whether Grandad would be able to eat a sausage roll so were all pleased when he managed quite a lot of it. Nan decided to save his doughnut for later. Despite everyone’s warnings, Grandad was on top form, chatting and making jokes. His speech is still a bit slower than it used to be and he definitely takes longer to process what’s being said and respond but he’s definitely still there, still Grandad.

 

After he’d eaten his lunch, Dad did some painting in the bathroom and kitchen for Nan. He also showed Grandad a video on his phone of his new car. A sad moment came when Grandad wriggled around in his chair, clearly trying to get up. When Nan asked him what he was doing, he said he was going to see Dad’s new car. She reminded him he couldn’t and when he questioned why not, she had to explain about the stroke and that he can’t walk. I think we were all a little choked up. Strangely, he didn’t argue, just accepted it and sat still.

 

A little later, we left Nan and Grandad’s to visit Auntie Clare and Uncle Dave for a little while. It’s always a juggling act to try and get to see everyone each time I’m down and even more so now Dad’s days off don’t fall on the same day every week. Auntie Clare’s hips are really bad now, to the point where she doesn’t move out of her chair unless she needs to because it hurts so much. Thankfully, her first hip replacement operation is scheduled for a few weeks time so we hope she’ll be in a lot less pain and more mobile very soon. Currently, Uncle Dave is taking special leave from work to be home to look after her. He worries about her being alone because she’s fallen over and been unable to get back up a couple of times. Of course, now Nan has to be with Grandad, unless someone else can sit with him, she can’t go to be with Auntie Clare. Uncle Dave was very busy while we were there, sorting things out around the house, and jokes that he’s slave Dave on minimum wage. Teddy, who’s now 9 months old, has grown loads since I saw him at Christmas and loved Kieran, as most dogs do. Harley arrived not long after 3, walking from college, which is only around the corner from Clare and Dave’s house.

 

An hour or so later, we left and went to a nearby fish and chip shop to buy dinner for us plus Nan and Grandad. Again, I wanted to treat Nan because she’s working so hard looking after Grandad. We were also curious to see what Grandad would be able to eat. Since his stroke, his swallow reflex has been affected and he struggles to eat quite a lot of food he used to enjoy. Nan asked for a small plain sausage for him and a pea fritter for herself; Kieran and I shared a large battered cod; Harley had chicken nuggets; Dad had a chicken and mushroom pie; Michelle had a cheese and mushroom burger; and I forgot to order the curry sauce Kieran and I were going to share. The food was quite nice but didn’t really have a lot of flavour to it. Happily, Grandad managed to eat quite a lot of his meal and Nan seemed to enjoy her pea fritter. A little after we’d finished eating, Nan and Michelle realised Grandad was uncomfortable. It turned out his afternoon carers hadn’t done a very good job of changing him. To start with, they’d changed him while he was still sat in his chair, which meant they hadn’t put his pad on correctly. This meant he’d wet through his pyjamas and was fidgeting to try and sort himself out. As Michelle is a nurse on the stroke ward, she offered to sort him out. As she said, we couldn’t just leave him like that. This is when the quote that forms the title of this blog was said. When Michelle explained to Grandad what she needed to do, in a really calm voice so he’d understand but without being patronising, Grandad responded straight away, quick as a flash, “she just wants to see my willy”. Without hesitation, as we all burst out laughing, Michelle responded “well I’m going to get your son to help so you can compare”. This joke, more than anything else he said that day, makes me know Grandad is still in there. After everyone was satisfied Grandad was clean and comfortable, we said goodbye. Another little sad moment came then when, as we said our goodbyes, Grandad said he’d come and walk us out. I just told him to sit and relax. He didn’t protest. That evening, we watched Jonathan Ross and Police Academy 4.

 

Saturday meant another day out with Dad. I needed to do Mother’s Day shopping as well as early birthday shopping for Mum and Dad because I wouldn’t be visiting again until after all three events. This meant a trip into town where Harley and I shopped in as many places as fast as we could to get everything we wanted for them. Seeing as we were shopping for three times the amount of presents, this wasn’t an easy task. Before we went into town, we quickly popped into see Nan and Grandad so Dad could check his handywork now the paint had dried; he was very pleased. We sat with Nan and Grandad for a little while and Nan told us the carers had been good that morning. Grandad seemed quite content and chatted a bit. I felt strange saying goodbye. It’s always hard but since Grandad’s had his stroke the distance seems that little bit further. Grandad made it sadder by trying to wriggle out of his chair, holding out his hand for Kieran to shake. Whenever Grandad used to greet or say goodbye to Kieran he’d shake his hand. Of course, Kieran couldn’t see what Grandad was trying to do and it took a few seconds for everyone else to realise. Again, he also said he’d come to see us out. I was a bit choked up because Grandad would always show us out and wave us off from the pavement. It’s a weird thing knowing he’ll never be able to do that again.

 

Once we were in town, the five of us went for lunch in Dad’s favourite café, Poppins. I had a cheese and mushroom panini, Harley a cheese toasty, Kieran a sausage and bacon baguette and Dad his usual brunch with beans. Afterwards, Harley and I headed off to do our shopping. Meanwhile, Dad took Kieran with him to HMV, CEX and the vape shop. Then, they had a coffee before sitting in the car to wait for us. Once we were finished shopping, Dad drove us home; I gave him a big hug goodbye as I wouldn’t be seeing him again until my next visit because he was working for the rest of this week.

 

That evening, while Mum and Simon were still out at their all-day music event, the three of us ordered takeaway while watching Gogglebox. We shared a mixed kebab, large cheesy chips and a cheesy garlic bread.

 

The next day was a quiet one until Kieran and I caught the bus into town to meet Josh for dinner and our comedy show that evening. The only notable thing that happened during the day was when I was playing fetch with Suggs and his ball upstairs and the ball bounced into the toilet. We disinfected it in a jug of boiling water with some washing up liquid so Suggs forgave me. Later, Kieran, Josh and I went to the Giddy Bridge Wetherspoons for our food. Josh had a chicken burger with cheese and bacon and chips; I had the chicken strip basket which came with chips and a cookie dough sandwich for pudding; Kieran had a mixed grill and shared onion rings with me. We sat chatting for a couple of hours until it was close enough to the start of our show to head to the theatre. We were seeing Chris McCausland perform his Speaky Blinder show at the Mast Mayflower Studios theatre. The show was absolutely excellent! Of course, the fact that the three of us totally understood the blind jokes he made was even funnier. I also found it quite strange because Chris described how he pictures scenes around him in his head since he lost his sight and I’ve never heard anyone else explain it like that, just how I picture things too. Josh wanted me to use a quote from the show, “Fanny Gravie”, for the title of this post but Grandad’s line is even better.

 

While Harley was at college, on Monday morning Mum and I popped to Lidl. The boiler stopped working so it was pretty chilly in the house, especially as the weather temperature had dropped too. During the afternoon, we watched game shows on telly, including Lingo, Bridge Of Lies and The Chase. As Mum enjoyed Lingo, Kieran introduced her to Wordle. Mum did meatballs and nachos with garlic bread for dinner, while Harley was out having Nando’s with their friends. Later, we watched a documentary on Paula Yates and the film Gone In 60 Seconds.

 

While Harley was at college and Kieran watched the Cheltenham festival on the telly, Mum and Simon took me into town so I could buy some new trainers and jogging bottoms to use when I play goalball. Later on, Mum cooked roast gammon for dinner and we watched The Chase, Masked Singer US and Star Struck.

 

As I wasn’t happy with them, on Wednesday Mum and Simon took me back into town to exchange my trainers. Meanwhile, Kieran watched more horse racing. On our way home from town, we picked Harley up from college and went to Lidl so I could buy Mum early Mother’s Day flowers. That evening, we went out for a meal at the Harvester restaurant in the Swan Centre shopping centre in Eastleigh. Harley had chicken goujons and loaded potato skins with lots of bowls from the salad bar; I had breaded garlic mushrooms, a big bowl from the salad bar and battered haloumi with chips and mushy peas; Kieran had jalapeno poppers followed by a chicken ribs combo with chips; Simon had a chicken burger, Mum had chicken skewers and they shared calamari and breaded garlic mushrooms. The service was good and food delicious so it was a great evening out; we were all very full by the end of it. When we got home, we chatted to Dad, Michelle and Josh on FaceTime before watching Masked Singer US with Mum and Simon while listening to the Real Madrid vs Liverpool second leg Champions League match, which Liverpool lost 1-0 (6-2 on aggregate) and exited the cup.

 

Thursday meant the day I always dread had arrived, it was time to say goodbye to everyone again and head home. Before we left, Kieran ordered Dominoes for himself, Harley and I; Mum and Simon didn’t want any when offered. Harley had chicken strips and potato wedges; Kieran had a meat feast pizza with extra chillies; I had a small create your own Italian-style crust pizza with tuna, sweet corn, mushrooms and garlic spread and a Texas BBQ wrap. The food was lovely. We watched more game shows during the afternoon before making sure everything was packed and ready to go. Dad arrived with Michelle and Josh to take us to the airport around 6. On Saturday, I’d thought we wouldn’t see Dad again but his work schedule had changed so he was able to drive us to the airport. Kieran and I gave Mum and Harley big hugs; it never gets easier saying goodbye. However, it’s only just over 2 months until I’ll be back visiting. By then, Mum will have had her check up scan after chemo is finished, so hopefully everything will be clear, and Harley will have nearly finished college. We arrived at the airport far too early and after sitting in the car a little while, all headed in. We checked in quickly and after briefly sitting down in the waiting area, a member of special assistance staff arrived to guide us through. More goodbye hugs were exchanged and then we headed through security to the departure lounge, where we sat for quite a while because we were so early. The flight home went smoothly and Rebecca and Dave were waiting to meet us at Newcastle airport.

 

So, another great visit has come and gone. I was glad I managed to see everyone, especially spending time with Nan and Grandad. Thank you to Lesley for taking us to the airport and Rebecca & Dave for picking us up. Thanks, Josh, for a great afternoon/evening out with great food and comedy. Thanks, Dad, for putting up with my endless shopping sprees, but you’ll benefit when your birthday comes. Thanks, Kieran, for keeping Dad company haha. Thanks, Harley, for all your help with the shopping and gift organising; I think we make a good team. Thanks, Mum, for having us to stay again and all the lovely food; the amount of time I’m down there is never enough but I’m glad I get to spend so much of it with you. Looking forward to when I see you all again in May.

 

PS: other potential blog titles for this post included “Fanny Gravie” from Chris McCausland’s show and Harley’s random line of “there’s been no sunsets and it’s making me depressed” as they tried to take photos from their bedroom window on Friday evening.