On the 9th of this month, it was time for another flight down south for another week’s visit to Southampton and everyone down there. Since I visited last, over the new year, quite a lot has happened. The biggest event has been my Grandad John being discharged from hospital and allowed to return home for the first time since his stroke in early December. Sadly, the impact of his stroke has been much worse than the doctors originally predicted and for quite a while nobody thought he’d be coming home. To begin with, the doctors diagnosed him as having had three minor strokes. His whole right-hand side was affected, including his face falling and being unable to use his leg or arm. Thankfully, not long after the strokes, his face returned to normal again. I think that was comfort for Nan because it was hard to see the man she’s been married to almost 60 years look so different. But of course that was insignificant as long as he was ok eventually. At first, Grandad was given physio for his arm and leg. He seemed to be making slow progress. But then things seemed to get worse. A scan was done and they found he’d had bleeding on his brain. Due to this plus his age and the three minor strokes, the doctors said the impact on him was like having a full major stroke. It was a big blow to our hopes of him returning to normal. Now, we know that’s never going to happen. They continued physio on his arm for a while but quickly decided there was nothing they could do for his leg; he wasn’t going to walk again. I know this upset Nan. It’s totally life changing for him. Although in recent years he’s become more and more unstable on his feet, he still used to go to the local shop and buy the newspaper every morning. They used to go out for their weekly shop every Thursday and sometimes out with Dad and Harley on Saturday for a wander around town and lunch out. Not the most active lifestyle or anywhere near as much as five years ago when he could still drive, but enough to keep them busy. His speech was somewhat affected, with him taking longer to respond and his words being slightly slurred. In time, his speech became clearer but he still takes a while to reply and doesn’t really start conversations. But he’d been like that a bit before the stroke. We’d all been certain he has dementia and Nan was trying to get him tested. But it didn’t happen. Now, they’re just taking it as a side effect of the stroke. But we’re still sure it’s dementia too, which has obviously made the impact of the stroke worse. Since he’s been home, he seems to have improved a bit. Nan is finding it tiring looking after him but the help of carers four times a day, when they’re competent, is making a big of difference. Before I travelled, everyone warned me not to expect too much from Grandad, that he’s changed a lot and isn’t really him any more. But I didn’t have expectations; just to see him home would be enough. But I was a little sceptical of everyone’s negativity. Over the phone, he’d seemed quite chirpy and as I’d expect someone who’s had a stroke to be. But I understood I wasn’t seeing him daily so didn’t see the good and the bad.
Other big things include Mum continuing to progress well with her chemotherapy and Dad starting his new job as a driver’s mate for Currys. We’ve all been pleasantly surprised how well Mum has coped with chemo. When you hear about people having it or read about it online, you always get the worst case scenarios. But, touch wood, Mum has been quite fortunate with the side effects. Of course, she’s very much looking forward to it being over and, as of last Friday, had her fifth out of six sessions. Netflix has been her main ally through it all, giving her something to focus on during the long hours of treatment. Hopefully, after her sixth session in three weeks time, only monitoring scans and physio will be a reminder of everything she’s been through. She’s looking forward to finding a new job and joining a gym to get her fitness and strength back up. Her immune system, which was notoriously rubbish before this, has coped amazingly with chemo and the doctors are really pleased with how things are going. Dad has settled into his new job quite well. Although, in usual Dad fashion, he’s not 100% happy there. Driver’s mate is always a role he’s enjoyed but he’s finding the long hours and distance driving from home to the warehouse difficult. I’m hoping that with a bit more time he’ll get used to it and start to enjoy it properly. He definitely enjoys the rota which includes three days off. This is a lot in comparison to his one day a week before. He’s able to visit Nan and Grandad a lot more, which is great given their new situation, and gets more time to spend with Harley and Michelle.
So, on 9 March at around 4pm, Lesley collected us from the flat and took us to the airport. We were checked in and through security quickly but the flight was delayed due to it being cabin crew member June’s 70th birthday. According to a tweet the company put out later, June is one of their longest serving members of staff and it was a lovely gesture for the company to put on a little surprise onboard the flight she was working on her birthday itself. The CEO of the company was on the flight and had arranged personalised cupcakes for her, which were handed out to each passenger on the flight. Everyone wished June a happy birthday as they boarded and left the plane. We could tell she was really touched from the kind gestures and a little moved when she did her speech before landing. The cupcakes were lovely: plain sponge with a massive swirl of vanilla buttercream and a big icing decoration on top, which I assume was personalised with a message to June. The special celebrations were clearly totally deserved and it was really nice that the company made the effort for her. Kieran and I said we thought she was crazy working on her 70th and hoped she would have some free time to celebrate personally with friends and family. It made for a pretty special and unique flight.
Dad, Harley and Michelle were waiting to meet us in the arrivals hall and there were big hugs all round. The member of special assistance staff helped us get our suitcase no problem. Dad drove us to Mum’s where she cooked lamb, beef, chicken and double beef with cheese in the middle burgers with homemade chips for dinner. We watched the films Live And Let Die and Crank, which were showing on TV channels.
The following morning, Dad and Michelle picked Kieran and I up around 11. We went and had a drink in Costa: a black Americano for Kieran, a decaf coconut latte for Michelle, his usual hazelnut latte for Dad and a rolo hot chocolate with a slice of lotus biscoff rocky road for me. Afterwards, we went next door and bought food from Greggs to take to Nan and Grandad’s for everyone for lunch. I bought a pack of four sausage rolls to cover myself, Nan and Grandad, Kieran had a steak bake, Michelle a chicken and bacon baguette and Dad a cheese and bacon twist; I also bought a few doughnuts in case anyone wanted one. It was so lovely to see Nan and Grandad again. I always miss them now I’m living far away but even more so since Grandad had his stroke. I just always feel like they’ll always be here, even though rationally I know they’re getting older, and Grandad’s stroke was a cruel reminder that they aren’t going to be. Nan was very pleased with the Greggs lunch. When they used to go out to do their shopping on a Thursday, they’d always sit in Greggs for their lunch and a coffee. Of course, that’s another thing they’re unable to do now. We’d been unsure whether Grandad would be able to eat a sausage roll so were all pleased when he managed quite a lot of it. Nan decided to save his doughnut for later. Despite everyone’s warnings, Grandad was on top form, chatting and making jokes. His speech is still a bit slower than it used to be and he definitely takes longer to process what’s being said and respond but he’s definitely still there, still Grandad.
After he’d eaten his lunch, Dad did some painting in the bathroom and kitchen for Nan. He also showed Grandad a video on his phone of his new car. A sad moment came when Grandad wriggled around in his chair, clearly trying to get up. When Nan asked him what he was doing, he said he was going to see Dad’s new car. She reminded him he couldn’t and when he questioned why not, she had to explain about the stroke and that he can’t walk. I think we were all a little choked up. Strangely, he didn’t argue, just accepted it and sat still.
A little later, we left Nan and Grandad’s to visit Auntie Clare and Uncle Dave for a little while. It’s always a juggling act to try and get to see everyone each time I’m down and even more so now Dad’s days off don’t fall on the same day every week. Auntie Clare’s hips are really bad now, to the point where she doesn’t move out of her chair unless she needs to because it hurts so much. Thankfully, her first hip replacement operation is scheduled for a few weeks time so we hope she’ll be in a lot less pain and more mobile very soon. Currently, Uncle Dave is taking special leave from work to be home to look after her. He worries about her being alone because she’s fallen over and been unable to get back up a couple of times. Of course, now Nan has to be with Grandad, unless someone else can sit with him, she can’t go to be with Auntie Clare. Uncle Dave was very busy while we were there, sorting things out around the house, and jokes that he’s slave Dave on minimum wage. Teddy, who’s now 9 months old, has grown loads since I saw him at Christmas and loved Kieran, as most dogs do. Harley arrived not long after 3, walking from college, which is only around the corner from Clare and Dave’s house.
An hour or so later, we left and went to a nearby fish and chip shop to buy dinner for us plus Nan and Grandad. Again, I wanted to treat Nan because she’s working so hard looking after Grandad. We were also curious to see what Grandad would be able to eat. Since his stroke, his swallow reflex has been affected and he struggles to eat quite a lot of food he used to enjoy. Nan asked for a small plain sausage for him and a pea fritter for herself; Kieran and I shared a large battered cod; Harley had chicken nuggets; Dad had a chicken and mushroom pie; Michelle had a cheese and mushroom burger; and I forgot to order the curry sauce Kieran and I were going to share. The food was quite nice but didn’t really have a lot of flavour to it. Happily, Grandad managed to eat quite a lot of his meal and Nan seemed to enjoy her pea fritter. A little after we’d finished eating, Nan and Michelle realised Grandad was uncomfortable. It turned out his afternoon carers hadn’t done a very good job of changing him. To start with, they’d changed him while he was still sat in his chair, which meant they hadn’t put his pad on correctly. This meant he’d wet through his pyjamas and was fidgeting to try and sort himself out. As Michelle is a nurse on the stroke ward, she offered to sort him out. As she said, we couldn’t just leave him like that. This is when the quote that forms the title of this blog was said. When Michelle explained to Grandad what she needed to do, in a really calm voice so he’d understand but without being patronising, Grandad responded straight away, quick as a flash, “she just wants to see my willy”. Without hesitation, as we all burst out laughing, Michelle responded “well I’m going to get your son to help so you can compare”. This joke, more than anything else he said that day, makes me know Grandad is still in there. After everyone was satisfied Grandad was clean and comfortable, we said goodbye. Another little sad moment came then when, as we said our goodbyes, Grandad said he’d come and walk us out. I just told him to sit and relax. He didn’t protest. That evening, we watched Jonathan Ross and Police Academy 4.
Saturday meant another day out with Dad. I needed to do Mother’s Day shopping as well as early birthday shopping for Mum and Dad because I wouldn’t be visiting again until after all three events. This meant a trip into town where Harley and I shopped in as many places as fast as we could to get everything we wanted for them. Seeing as we were shopping for three times the amount of presents, this wasn’t an easy task. Before we went into town, we quickly popped into see Nan and Grandad so Dad could check his handywork now the paint had dried; he was very pleased. We sat with Nan and Grandad for a little while and Nan told us the carers had been good that morning. Grandad seemed quite content and chatted a bit. I felt strange saying goodbye. It’s always hard but since Grandad’s had his stroke the distance seems that little bit further. Grandad made it sadder by trying to wriggle out of his chair, holding out his hand for Kieran to shake. Whenever Grandad used to greet or say goodbye to Kieran he’d shake his hand. Of course, Kieran couldn’t see what Grandad was trying to do and it took a few seconds for everyone else to realise. Again, he also said he’d come to see us out. I was a bit choked up because Grandad would always show us out and wave us off from the pavement. It’s a weird thing knowing he’ll never be able to do that again.
Once we were in town, the five of us went for lunch in Dad’s favourite café, Poppins. I had a cheese and mushroom panini, Harley a cheese toasty, Kieran a sausage and bacon baguette and Dad his usual brunch with beans. Afterwards, Harley and I headed off to do our shopping. Meanwhile, Dad took Kieran with him to HMV, CEX and the vape shop. Then, they had a coffee before sitting in the car to wait for us. Once we were finished shopping, Dad drove us home; I gave him a big hug goodbye as I wouldn’t be seeing him again until my next visit because he was working for the rest of this week.
That evening, while Mum and Simon were still out at their all-day music event, the three of us ordered takeaway while watching Gogglebox. We shared a mixed kebab, large cheesy chips and a cheesy garlic bread.
The next day was a quiet one until Kieran and I caught the bus into town to meet Josh for dinner and our comedy show that evening. The only notable thing that happened during the day was when I was playing fetch with Suggs and his ball upstairs and the ball bounced into the toilet. We disinfected it in a jug of boiling water with some washing up liquid so Suggs forgave me. Later, Kieran, Josh and I went to the Giddy Bridge Wetherspoons for our food. Josh had a chicken burger with cheese and bacon and chips; I had the chicken strip basket which came with chips and a cookie dough sandwich for pudding; Kieran had a mixed grill and shared onion rings with me. We sat chatting for a couple of hours until it was close enough to the start of our show to head to the theatre. We were seeing Chris McCausland perform his Speaky Blinder show at the Mast Mayflower Studios theatre. The show was absolutely excellent! Of course, the fact that the three of us totally understood the blind jokes he made was even funnier. I also found it quite strange because Chris described how he pictures scenes around him in his head since he lost his sight and I’ve never heard anyone else explain it like that, just how I picture things too. Josh wanted me to use a quote from the show, “Fanny Gravie”, for the title of this post but Grandad’s line is even better.
While Harley was at college, on Monday morning Mum and I popped to Lidl. The boiler stopped working so it was pretty chilly in the house, especially as the weather temperature had dropped too. During the afternoon, we watched game shows on telly, including Lingo, Bridge Of Lies and The Chase. As Mum enjoyed Lingo, Kieran introduced her to Wordle. Mum did meatballs and nachos with garlic bread for dinner, while Harley was out having Nando’s with their friends. Later, we watched a documentary on Paula Yates and the film Gone In 60 Seconds.
While Harley was at college and Kieran watched the Cheltenham festival on the telly, Mum and Simon took me into town so I could buy some new trainers and jogging bottoms to use when I play goalball. Later on, Mum cooked roast gammon for dinner and we watched The Chase, Masked Singer US and Star Struck.
As I wasn’t happy with them, on Wednesday Mum and Simon took me back into town to exchange my trainers. Meanwhile, Kieran watched more horse racing. On our way home from town, we picked Harley up from college and went to Lidl so I could buy Mum early Mother’s Day flowers. That evening, we went out for a meal at the Harvester restaurant in the Swan Centre shopping centre in Eastleigh. Harley had chicken goujons and loaded potato skins with lots of bowls from the salad bar; I had breaded garlic mushrooms, a big bowl from the salad bar and battered haloumi with chips and mushy peas; Kieran had jalapeno poppers followed by a chicken ribs combo with chips; Simon had a chicken burger, Mum had chicken skewers and they shared calamari and breaded garlic mushrooms. The service was good and food delicious so it was a great evening out; we were all very full by the end of it. When we got home, we chatted to Dad, Michelle and Josh on FaceTime before watching Masked Singer US with Mum and Simon while listening to the Real Madrid vs Liverpool second leg Champions League match, which Liverpool lost 1-0 (6-2 on aggregate) and exited the cup.
Thursday meant the day I always dread had arrived, it was time to say goodbye to everyone again and head home. Before we left, Kieran ordered Dominoes for himself, Harley and I; Mum and Simon didn’t want any when offered. Harley had chicken strips and potato wedges; Kieran had a meat feast pizza with extra chillies; I had a small create your own Italian-style crust pizza with tuna, sweet corn, mushrooms and garlic spread and a Texas BBQ wrap. The food was lovely. We watched more game shows during the afternoon before making sure everything was packed and ready to go. Dad arrived with Michelle and Josh to take us to the airport around 6. On Saturday, I’d thought we wouldn’t see Dad again but his work schedule had changed so he was able to drive us to the airport. Kieran and I gave Mum and Harley big hugs; it never gets easier saying goodbye. However, it’s only just over 2 months until I’ll be back visiting. By then, Mum will have had her check up scan after chemo is finished, so hopefully everything will be clear, and Harley will have nearly finished college. We arrived at the airport far too early and after sitting in the car a little while, all headed in. We checked in quickly and after briefly sitting down in the waiting area, a member of special assistance staff arrived to guide us through. More goodbye hugs were exchanged and then we headed through security to the departure lounge, where we sat for quite a while because we were so early. The flight home went smoothly and Rebecca and Dave were waiting to meet us at Newcastle airport.
So, another great visit has come and gone. I was glad I managed to see everyone, especially spending time with Nan and Grandad. Thank you to Lesley for taking us to the airport and Rebecca & Dave for picking us up. Thanks, Josh, for a great afternoon/evening out with great food and comedy. Thanks, Dad, for putting up with my endless shopping sprees, but you’ll benefit when your birthday comes. Thanks, Kieran, for keeping Dad company haha. Thanks, Harley, for all your help with the shopping and gift organising; I think we make a good team. Thanks, Mum, for having us to stay again and all the lovely food; the amount of time I’m down there is never enough but I’m glad I get to spend so much of it with you. Looking forward to when I see you all again in May.
PS: other potential blog titles for this post included “Fanny Gravie” from Chris McCausland’s show and Harley’s random line of “there’s been no sunsets and it’s making me depressed” as they tried to take photos from their bedroom window on Friday evening.
A5Ramblings 