At the end of December last year, it was time for another trip down south, this time so that Kieran and I could spend Christmas with my side of the family. Last year, we spent Christmas with his side before I flew down to spend new year with mine. Rotating between the two seems like the best solution so that we both spend Christmas with both families.
So on 20th December, John and Lesley took Kieran and I to the airport, where we waited quite a while for assistance to collect us and escort us through security onto the plane. It was soon clear why. There were several passengers requiring special assistance and they didn’t have enough staff to deal with all of us. Eventually, we were onboard, after a delay due to a fault with the plane. Originally, I thought I heard someone saying it was something to do with the engine, which wasn’t very reassuring. But at the end of the flight, while we waited for Southampton assistance staff to come and get us, Kieran overheard the flight crew saying that it had been an issue with the oxygen masks. Obviously, they’d made sure everything was working correctly before we flew. But they mentioned that there was a point where they were considering abandoning the flight for the evening. I was very grateful they hadn’t, although of course I wouldn’t want to travel if it wasn’t safe.
Southampton were quite slow in assisting us, too. As the flight had landed later than scheduled, they were assisting another plane when we landed. Then, they didn’t have that many staff to help such a high number of assistance passengers. This really showed when the man helping us was guiding Kieran and I whilst pushing another passenger in their wheelchair. This was complicated further by the two suitcases Kieran and I collected, which we wheeled through to arrivals ourselves. Thankfully, Dad, Sam and Harley were waiting in arrivals so there were enough people to guide and pull cases. Even better, when we arrived at Mum’s, she had chicken stew straight out of the slow cooker for our dinner. It was very nice and definitely much needed after the craziness of the journey.
The following morning, Mum and I took a trip on the bus into town to finish the last-minute bits of Christmas shopping I needed to do. We took Greggs home for lunch: sausage rolls for Mum and I, a festive bake for Kieran and a chicken bake for Harley. That evening, we watched Notting Hill while eating Papa Johns pizza which Kieran had ordered for everyone. Mum and Harley had recommended it as they’d really enjoyed it recently so we decided to go for it as it’d been ages since Kieran and I had tried it. It was very nice, especially the garlic bread.
Friday was a quiet day at Mum’s. In the morning, Jenny popped over so we could exchange Christmas gifts. Usually, she’d pop in for a coffee and a catch up but she’d caught a bit of a cold and didn’t want to pass it on. Hopefully, we’ll be able to catch up properly next time I’m down. That night, Mum cooked a big picky bits dinner for everyone which included mini duck spring rolls, TGI Fridays Jack Daniels sesame chicken strips, mozzarella sticks, jalapeno bites, mini kiev balls, chicken skewers, cheese and pineapple sticks, potato salad, coleslaw and other bits. Everyone thoroughly enjoyed it and it went down very nicely while we watched the festive movies Elf and Love Actually. Before I moved away, it used to be our Christmas Eve tradition to have a picky bits dinner after Mum had come home from work and watch Christmas films, although back then it used to be Polar Express and Love Actually. But everyone except me voted for Elf instead of Polar Express this year. We weren’t able to do the tradition on Christmas Eve itself because we were spending the day at Dad’s as an extra Christmas day with him. As it was Simon’s first night off and we were also all busy the following day, Friday night seemed the perfect night for it. It certainly made it feel much more like Christmas.
At half past 12 on Saturday, the three of us met Nan in Woolston and went for lunch at Subway. Since Grandad passed away in November, Nan has been trying to get out and about and spend as much time with people as possible. Although she says she’s fine, she’s also admitted it is very lonely in their bungalow by herself. When Grandad first passed away, Nan immediately leapt into productive mode, getting everything organised and sorted out. I think it took until after his funeral for her to really start coming to terms with the fact that he was really gone. I think keeping herself busy had been her way of coping to begin with but she had to face it at some point. 60 years is a long time to spend loving one person and they’d been so happy for so long. Even in his last year after his stroke, Nan was by his side through everything, looking after him the best she was able to. She did an amazing job, even though she’s honest and admits it was hard. But even though he was poorly, he was still there, still company for her even if conversation wasn’t really possible. I think adjusting to being by herself in the bungalow has been the toughest thing for Nan since losing him. She says the hardest part is when she’s spent all day having a nice time with people but then has to return to the empty bungalow by herself. That’s why I wanted to make sure we spent the extra time with her. I hate the thought of her being lonely and want to make sure I make the effort to spend as much time with her as possible. I always used to make sure I saw her and Grandad as much as I could before but I think it’s even more important now she’s on her own.
We had a nice lunch in Subway and just sat chatting for a while before it was time to catch the bus to Nan’s house. It feels very strange being in the bungalow without Grandad there. Although he spent the last 10 months in his bed in one room, it almost feels like he’s going to wander down the hallway and say hello at any moment. Of course, that will never happen. Thankfully, Auntie Clare joined us with Teddy, filling up the emptiness a little bit more. Teddy certainly kept the spirits up with his mad dashing around. Auntie Clare helped Nan hang some of her Christmas cards up on the strings pinned to the wall the way Grandad always used to before his stroke. Again, it was another reminder that he wasn’t there to do it anymore but at the same time it brought back fond memories of all the years he had. In 2022, Nan hadn’t had the strings up at all because Grandad had been too wobbly on his feet to do it and definitely couldn’t have after the stroke. Thankfully, Nan had spent that Christmas staying at Dad’s so hadn’t been alone and was closer to the hospital to see Grandad.
Later on, Dad and Michelle popped in to collect their Christmas meats which they’d been storing in Nan’s freezer. Also, Michelle presented Nan with the memory book she and Harley had made for Nan with loads of photos of Grandad. I think Nan was a bit overwhelmed but it was a really thoughtful gesture and Michelle had made it really beautiful, with funny little comments captioning the photos and little craft decorations filling the blank space. I know when Nan feels ready she’ll treasure it. There’s some blank pages left at the back so hopefully she’ll choose some of her own favourite photos of Grandad’s life to add. Nan had also put together a bag of his clothes for me because I want to get a patchwork memory blanket made so that I have something to properly remember him with. The bag includes Southampton FC shirts, some polo shirts and jumpers as well as a pair of Grandad’s trademark grey trousers and a “best Grandad” hankie I’d bought him a few years earlier. I’m hoping the blanket will be very special and something I can have near me when I’m missing him most.
After the Liverpool vs Arsenal game ended in a 1-1 draw and Dad and Michelle had left, we ordered a Chinese takeaway for everyone to share. We watched some of Paddington and Gavin & Stacey while we ate. The food was very Nice and even Teddy cheekily enjoyed the chicken out of a chicken ball.
The next day was Christmas Eve and our first Christmas day really, spent with Dad, Michelle, Nan and Sam. Michelle was working Christmas Day night so didn’t feel like cooking a full Christmas dinner that day. As well as this, Nan was spending Christmas Day with Auntie Clare and we’d be with Mum. So Christmas Eve was the perfect opportunity to get everyone together to celebrate. Before that, though, Dad picked Nan then the three of us up and we went to Lidl to pick some flowers. Then, we headed to the crematorium to wish Grandad a merry Christmas. There were loads of flowers people had bought for loved ones and strangely it felt very festive adding ours. We walked to where they’d scattered Grandad’s ashes, near the plaques Nan and her brother had paid to have put up for Nanny Olive, Grandad Ken, Auntie Gwen and Uncle Harry. At some point we’re going to get one added for Grandad as well as possibly having a bench put down Weston shore in his memory. That was one of his favourite places and where him and Nan had spent a lot of their time when they were first together; some of his ashes are also scattered there. It felt good that we’d wished Grandad a merry Christmas, like we were including him in our festive celebrations for the day.
When we got to Dad’s, we all found somewhere to sit before exchanging presents. As usual, everyone got very spoilt. Sam had made a festive playlist which helped the festive atmosphere. Later, we very much enjoyed Michelle’s roast dinner and it was lovely to just sit and relax, all of us talking about all sorts. We all giggled about how Dad had been wearing his Grinch pyjamas all day, even when he’d picked us up and we’d gone to the crematorium. We all agreed Grandad would have thought it was very funny.
On Christmas morning, we got up around 8 and went downstairs to open presents from Mum. As always, she’d bought far too much. But we’d been able to do the same for her. A little later, Simon’s daughters arrived to open theirs. During the day, we watched Sing 2, the king’s Christmas broadcast and Toy Story 4. We enjoyed our second very tasty Christmas dinner around 4. In the evening, we watched Christmas specials of The Hit List, Masked Singer and The Wheel whilst enjoying Christmas chocolates and goodies from the big selection Mum had bought. Just like the day before, it had been a lovely day celebrating Christmas.
Boxing Day was a very relaxed day, except for Kieran’s fury at Newcastle losing to Nottingham Forest. I think Mum was a bit surprised about how much he shouted at the commentary. In the afternoon, while Beauty And The Beast (2017) was on, Mum gave us cold turkey, pork and gammon with sausage meat, pigs in blankets, pickles beetroot and mash potato. It was very nice. I listened to Burnley vs Liverpool, which finished 2-0 to Liverpool, while Mum and Simon dozed watching The Lion King (2019) and Harley set up their new IPad. We had jelly and whip as a late pudding. Afterwards, Harley and I did face masks, which were among our presents from Mum and a lot of fun as Harley’s didn’t fit properly and mine made my face look silly.
The next morning, Mum and I went into town so I could buy the new Pandora bracelet I wanted as well as exchange a few items. Once we were home, Uncle Dave came to collect the four of us. We were extending the celebrations with him, Auntie Clare, Adam, Nan, Dad and Michelle at Auntie Clare and Uncle Dave’s. Originally, we’d thought Sam couldn’t come because she was working but she’d realised she finished around the time Dad and Michelle were planning to join us so they picked her up on their way. Again, we received some lovely gifts from Auntie Clare and Nan. Auntie Clare had made a spread including cold meats, garlic bread, crisps and puddings for us to enjoy. The funniest part was the addition of roast potatoes, although we all agreed it was a very good idea. The chocolate fudge cake made by Uncle Dave’s sister was delicious, too, but I felt like I might go into some kind of sugar coma afterwards, it was so sweet. Later on, Uncle Dave got their karaoke machine out and Nan, Auntie Clare, Uncle Dave, Dad and Harley thoroughly enjoyed singing along using the microphones. In between each song, Auntie Clare kept eating whatsits, which is where the first half of this blog title comes from. She kept announcing “it’s whatsit time”. The second half comes from Adam, who kept exclaiming “leave my bowl alone!” when Auntie Clare questioned whose it was and whether she could tidy it up. He explained how she’d kept doing this since he’d been home from uni. The funniest time he shouted this was from the downstairs loo when he somehow heard Auntie Clare mentioning the bowl he’d been using.
The last day of our visit had arrived. In the afternoon, we went for a meal with Simon’s family at Casa Brasil, where they serve your meats and side dishes at the table. There was some lovely food and I especially liked the cinnamon pineapple. Kieran and I agreed that although it was nice it’s probably not somewhere we’d return to as the menu is always the same so we’ve tried everything they have. Sadly, at just gone 6 Dad arrived to take us to the airport for our flight home. It’s always sad saying goodbye to everyone but we’d had such a nice time it didn’t seem quite as hard somehow. Our next visit is In February so not so far away. By then, Mum will be halfway through her course of chemotherapy and fingers crossed won’t be suffering too much with the side effects. As I write this, we’re already a week into 2024 and there’s a lot to look forward to this year. Hopefully, the chemo will be Mum’s last treatment for cancer and she’ll be able to start properly living her life again, including getting married at the end of June. If they’re lucky, hopefully Harley will find their first job and get their working life started. If I’m lucky, maybe that long awaited Guide Dog match will arrive. More than anything, I hope this year is a good one for everyone I care about. We had a really great time in Southampton spending Christmas with everyone. I’m so glad I managed to split my time quite well between everyone and especially that, despite everything, Nan seemed to enjoy Christmas. She was a little quiet at times but that’s understandable. It did feel sad without Grandad there. He used to sit in a corner and observe, joining in with comments in conversations when he felt he had something to contribute. It was his presence that was missing most, just having him there. But I’m sure he’d be glad Nan seemed to enjoy herself and is doing her best to make each day positive. Hopefully, as she adjusts to living without him this year, she’ll be able to continue enjoying herself and making the most of her time with her family. I’m looking forward to seeing everyone in February and finding out what this year brings for us all. Please, world, make it a good year.
A5Ramblings 