First, before I launch into this post, a disclaimer from me: IT WILL BE A LONG ONE! I WILL NOT APOLOGISE FOR THAT! Anyway, if you’ve read this far already or been unfortunate enough to stumble across my ramblings before, you’ll know that’s usually the template for my writing. Long, boring and probably pointless. But hey, I want to write it so I’m going to. Haven’t ever asked anyone to read this, let alone read to the end, so if you are then that’s your choice and yours alone haha. I write this because I enjoy doing so and because I find it fun to reread memories from the past and remember how much I enjoyed those times; even more so now with my epilepsy, which has left my memory lacking it’s clarity like before. I’m constantly asking friends and family what happened when and when reminded of something, having little, blurred or no recollection of it at all. More than the seizures and uncertainty of my not medicated period of epilepsy, the memory part scares me more and is the part I wish didn’t exist.
Anyway, on to the actual point of this post… after 18 months of waiting, Kieran and I have finally been able to speak in person, have a physical hug and properly spend time with each other. When I flew home from Newcastle in January 2020, I’d never have guessed that it’d be a further 18 months until I saw him again. If I had, I’d probably have treasured that time even more. The last year and a half has been quite a journey for the whole world and I wish I’d had Kieran physically by my side through it all. But, as many parts of our relationship have been so far, virtual communication had to suffice. But, at last he was here!
As my Christmas present last year, our good pal Josh booked tickets to see another of the comedians on our list of people to watch live, Sarah Millican. Like times before, it was at the Mayflower Theatre in Southampton, meaning Kieran needed to make the trip down south to join us. Since those tickets were booked, I’d had the 19th of July firmly fixed in my mind, knowing however long it took before then, on that date he’d be here. I hadn’t expected it to take until that date for me to see him for the first time post lockdown though. But on 19th July, despite concerns freedom day would be postponed yet again and spoil all our plans, Kieran flew to Southampton. At 3pm, auntie C came to collect little sis T and I from home and drove us to the airport. While we waited for Kieran to land and come through to arrivals, T and I had a fight with the vending machine; we all fancied drinks, as it was crazy hot, but Costa was closed and this was our only option. We wanted 3 but the machine only gave 1. Thankfully, as we were finishing our battle, a special assistance member of staff walked Kieran and his luggage into arrivals. We had the biggest hug! It really had been far too long.
However, half an hour or so after arriving home, Kieran was already starting his massive task of tackling all the laptop solving we had waiting for him. As mine, first bought nearly 6 years ago when I started studying with The Open University, had become very slow and irritating, I’d decided to buy a new one. Although my bank account is considerably lessened, a week later it’s safe to say the purchase was well worth it. The Dell laptop Kieran recommended works like a dream which, although partially down to it’s spec apparently being pretty good, is mostly down to Kieran himself for being my always reliable tech guru. He started working on the new laptop immediately and had it talking to us in minutes.
Whilst Kieran was still working away, Mum and her partner S arrived home from work. Kieran hadn’t met S before and it was nice for Mum to see him again after so long, too. He hadn’t stayed, until now, since October 2019 and a hell of a lot has changed in this family since then. For dinner, Mum made us corn beef hash with spaghetti hoops, one of my favourite childhood meals, and we ate it out in the garden on the big table. Afterwards, Mum brought out strawberries with raspberry ripple and chocolate ice cream for pudding, which really fit the hot weather we were having.
Once back upstairs, Kieran made T’s day by helping her set up her very first social media account. She’s been asking for years but not been allowed due to her age and all the issues it can pose. But, on the eve of her 16th birthday and with the reassurance Kieran always provides with anything internet related, Mum finally related. Just to add to T’s delight, Kieran also added her a profile to his Netflix account, something else she’s been desperate to have for ages. Between those, she was easily occupied for the rest of the night.
Of course, with the following day came T’s 16th birthday. How my teeny tiny mad as hell but oh so loveable little sister has turned 16 is completely beyond me. It’s definitely been a rollercoaster 16 years; from the tiny baby girl who was meant to be a boy born with fluffy brown hair, a tiny little body and lungs that couldn’t support her; to the 3 months that little person spent in intensive care in our local hospital fighting for her life while we visited every single day, not knowing whether she’d make it; to the little tiny baby wrapped up against the cold who came home, far too small for the baby seat she traveled in. Now, she’s 16 years old, left school, heading towards GCSE results day and a new adventure studying at college. She’s kind, caring, cheeky, clever, funny, bloody crazy, thoughtful and an all round beautiful soul and I wouldn’t change her for the world, even on the days when she’s flicking my ears, tickling my feet or throwing pillows in my face. She deserves all the love, luck and happiness in the world and I just hope she gets it.
As Mum had to work, as soon as the alarm went off at 7 we were up and getting dressed, the Stevie Wonder birthday song was on, as is tradition in this house, and we were all trooping down the stairs to be with T while she opened her mountains of presents. Of course, she was thrilled with everything, especially her amazon echo dot from Kieran, pandora bracelet from Mum & I and of course Percy the build a bear pineapple who sings who we bought whilst on a trip to Basingstoke. While I ate my breakfast of rice crispies and tropical fruit juice and sorted the guinea pigs breakfast out, Kieran had his shower and T continued to marvel over all her gifts. Last time I wrote anything on here, there was only one Guinea pig in the household, the lovely Teddy. However, he was joined on 17 July by his very cute now best mate, the gorgeous Bear. Already, they’re inseparable and I’m hoping, despite the fact that boy piggies can sometimes fall out, that they’ll remain cosy cage mates. While I was still doing the cage spot clean, Nan and Grandad arrived to see T for her birthday. They didn’t stay long, needing to go and do their usual little bit of wandering around Woolston. Kieran and I spent the rest of the day listening to music on my echo show while he continued to set up my new laptop. Meanwhile, T was taking full advantage of her new Netflix by watching a series she liked the look of.
When Mum arrived home early at 4, T was able to open her remaining presents, including ones left by Auntie C. A little while later, T’s best friend K arrived and then, once Dad and his girlfriend M had come to collect Kieran and I, we all set off for T’s birthday meal. She’d chosen Cosmo Restaurant, a buffet place in the new development of West Quay in Southampton. We were joined there by Auntie C, Uncle D and cousin A. For the rest of the evening, everyone indulged in several courses of food, including Chinese, Indian, English and Italian dishes plus dessert options including waffles, ice cream and doughnuts. I don’t think there was much anyone didn’t like. During the meal, Mum lit a cake and we all sang to T, who was understandably embarrassed as we made quite a racket in the middle of the restaurant. I think it was safe to say, by the smiles on the photos that were taken and the full bellies everyone left with, that it was a great way to celebrate a 16th birthday, especially as all the family were able to be there to do so.
On Wednesday, I stuck to my usual weekday routine of getting up at 7 before Mum leaves for work and having my breakfast, again rice crispies and tropical fruit juice. I also fed Coco and the piggies and made sure the cage was clean, swapping out soggy newspaper from under their bedding and spot cleaning. Meanwhile, Kieran and T had little lie ins. Once Kieran was out of bed, he had a shower before getting to work on my laptop again. We had an odd sort of lunch; Kieran had a slice of birthday cake while I opted for a couple of Ryvita, a yoghurt, a slice of cake and a banana. We spent the next few hours watching Judge Judy before Grandad picked us up so we could join him, Nan, Dad and M for dinner at Nan & Grandad’s. While we waited for dinner, Kieran had a look at their WiFi and made sure all the settings were as they should be. Nan & Grandad’s WiFi is notoriously awful, receiving complaints from all who try to use it. Strangely, it’s behaving better and Kieran seemed satisfied with the settings. While he was checking, I went for a quick shower because ours has been temperamental recently and I needed to wash my hair, made worse by the sticky sweaty weather we’d been having. Afterwards, we watched The Chase before tucking into Nan’s lovely dinner of roast pork with all the trimmings followed by apple crumble with custard or strawberries and cream for pudding. Safe to say that we again went home with full bellies.
We had to take a little detour on the way home to post T’s AirPods back to amazon as the apple box had arrived empty. As this was her big present, everyone was pretty disappointed. Unfortunately, the One Stop shop we chose to take the parcel to didn’t offer the print and return option I’d chosen. Back at home, Kieran and I spent the rest of the evening watching episodes of The Chase, Judge Judy and Live At The Apollo.
Thursday started similar to Wednesday, with me getting up at 7 as usual while Kieran and T slept on. I had my breakfast and sorted out the pets before going back up for a doze. When we decided to get up properly, Kieran and I had cups of tea with chocolate digestives and custard creams. Then, we had a bit of a shock by an email from the chairman of Hampshire VI cricket team, who I’d played for on Sunday, saying one of the players on the opposing team had tested positive for COVID. Thankfully, the test that T helped me take came back negative. While Kieran moved on to working on my really old Toshiba laptop, which I’d leant to Mum and T during lockdown, and my little 2-in-1 laptop that I’d bought to use for my studies while travelling to Kieran’s, I had a little play with my new laptop, now fully set up. Later, we listened to Kieran’s iTunes library on shuffle and helped T set up her new echo dot. Also, her replacements AirPods arrived in the post, which she was very excited to try.
In the evening, Kieran ordered takeaway for the 3 of us from a local place called Flame Grill. T had a chicken kebab with chips; Kieran had a cheese and bacon burger with chips; I had donner meat and chips; and we all shared cheesy garlic bread and mozzarella sticks. The whole lot was delicious! We watched 24 hours in A&E before T went upstairs and Kieran and I watched an old episode of Gogglebox. After, we went upstairs too and watched 8 Out Of 10 Cats.
On Friday, I couldn’t be bothered to get up so had a lie in too. Once we were up and showered, Kieran and I had breakfast, which sort of covered lunch too; Kieran had buttered crumpets with orange juice and i had Ryvita with a banana and orange juice. After this, Kieran joined in with a work webinar so i read a book. Kieran spent the rest of the afternoon setting up my old uni laptop for T and Grandad’s old HP laptop for Mum while listening to his iTunes library on shuffle again.
That night, Mum and S went out so Mum made us meatballs and cheesy nachos for tea. They were very tasty. The 3 of us spent the rest of the evening watching The Chase and funny videos on YouTube.
Saturday meant a super long lie in. Once we were out of bed, Kieran had tea and toast while i had honey nut cluster cereal and orange juice. While i did the weekly full clean out of the guinea pig cage, Kieran showered and then continued to work on all the laptops. We spent the rest of the afternoon watching the Olympics, King George horse racing and Judge Judy. At 6:30, Dad and M picked us up so we could go for a date night. We’d agreed on Nando’s. Dad took us to the one in Whiteley so that he and M could have their own date night at the nearby Harvester. We had a lovely evening and i felt very full by the time Dad picked us up again… we shared halloumi sticks and garlic bread, where i discovered i really like chilli jam dip. Kieran had a double chicken burger with hot sauce and peri salted chips while i had the double chicken wrap with lemon and herb and peri salted chips. Afterwards, kieran had mango frozen yoghurt and i had chocolate brownie with coconut ice cream. When we got home, we watched the latest episode of celebrity Gogglebox followed by older episodes with T.
Sunday meant comedy day had arrived. We went on the bus into town and met Josh by West Quay at 4. We’d planned to go to Yates for a meal but found it was closed so went on to the pub next to the theatre, the Mayflower Village. Josh had filthy fries which had beef burger, pulled pork and cheese on them; kieran had a cheese and bacon burger with added jalapeño and chips; and i had a chicken and chorizo burger with an added hash brown and chips. When it was time, Josh guided us into the theatre and we were directed to our seats. Sarah Millican’s Bobby Dazzler show was amazing. I don’t think we stopped laughing all night. When it was finished, we were able to collect free badges with the show name and put money in collection buckets for the Samaritans. Josh got us to our bus just in time. Once we were home, Kieran and i watched Friday Night Dinner on my iPad until we fell asleep.
Monday meant the day I always dread when we’re together had come. For breakfast, we had tea and biscuits. While we were eating and then when I was sorting out the pets, we watched Friday Night Dinner on the iPad, which continued for the rest of the morning. Around 3, I ordered a Dominoes for the three of us. Kieran had the Absolute Banger; I had a Create Your Own with the Italian-style base with bbq sauce, chorizo, meatballs, pineapple, pepperoni and garlic sausage; Tamsin had a Create Your Own with chicken breast strips, meatballs and garlic spread; Kieran had some extra hot wings and a doctor pepper; we shared potato wedges, garlic bread, breaded chicken strips and cookies. While we munched our way through our mountainous feast, we watched even more old episodes of Gogglebox.
Once Kieran had checked he’d packed everything and Dad arrived at 6:30, it was time to take the trip to the airport. Earlier, Kieran had been notified that his flight was delayed, although not by much. However, when he checked in, we were informed the flight was not due to depart for a few hours. So we all settled in to wait on the chairs, or in T’s case the floor, of the special assistance area. After we’d waited a while, Dad and M went to fetch drinks from nearby mcdonalds because yet again Costa was closed, leaving the temperamental vending machine as our only other choice. As Dad arrived back with our drinks, the special assistance lady informed Kieran he’d be able to proceed through security and board his plane in a few minutes. He expertly downed his coke 0 and then we had a massive hug. Then it was time to go. On our way home, i was relieved to receive a message from Kieran saying he was through security and about to board the plane.
As I sat in the back of the car on the way home, I felt quite strange. It seemed crazy that this time with Kieran, that I’d been waiting for for 18 months, had come and gone so fast. But my most overpowering feeling was thankfulness. Thankful that we’d finally been able to have this week together. Thankful that it hadn’t been delayed any longer. Thankful we’d been able to celebrate T’s birthday, go on a date night and see Sarah Millican live with Josh. But most of all, thankful that we are still us, just as we were pre-pandemic but stronger, I think. A lot has changed since we saw each other last and a hell of a lot of time has passed while we’ve been apart so I feel we truly are lucky to still feel the same as we did before, if not more. Kieran is a very patient and kind person and has taken everything I’ve thrown at him since our friendship began almost 8 years ago, but especially this last year or so. He took my epilepsy almost in his stride and has been unwaveringly by my side throughout. Despite the barriers and inconveniences it may cause during our future together, Kieran still wants to go ahead. And then, at the beginning of this year, I asked whether we could consider me moving up to Blyth and us starting our life together properly. If he wasn’t shocked by that then I’ll be very surprised. Ive made it no secret since coming home from college in 2015 that I had no intention of moving far from Southampton, if at all. So to chuck the fact that I’d genuinely been considering moving to the other end of the country to be with him must have been a bit shocking. At first, I was surprised myself. Ive always known that I want to live with Kieran and for us to have the whole couple life together. But I’d never imagined how. He’s settled up north with an excellent job and I’m down here floundering around for work and independence determined not to leave. I guess at some point something had to change. It started with me looking into Masters degrees because I thought maybe that’d be a way to move towards gaining employment. I looked into social work and found that Northumbria university run a masters degree in social work. By then, it’d already started to niggle in the back of my mind that sometime soon I was going to have to start thinking about making a choice. I knew not being with Kieran wasn’t even in any scenario for my future. But I also knew the idea of leaving my family and all the complicated emotions all tied up down here wasn’t something I wanted to contemplate or face either. But something had to change. We can’t stay like this forever, flying up and down the country and grabbing snippets of time together where we can. So I needed to make a decision. And I have. I’m Blyth bound. I don’t know for sure when yet but sometime in my very near future. I don’t think 100% of me has come to terms with the fact that I’m going to leave Southampton, move further than reaching distance of my family. But 99% of me knows its the right choice, the right thing to do for kieran and I and the future we want to build. Plus, between kieran himself and the rest of the family, we’re being given an opportunity only an idiot would turn down, the chance to set up home and start fresh in a newly ripped apart and newly renovated — currently in progress — flat near to where kieran’s parents live. It’s a spring board and great foundation for our future and I couldn’t be more grateful to all involved, especially Kieran himself and his parents, for this amazing chance. Right now, my employment chances are at rock bottom, my independent living skills have gradually decreased over the years and my contribution financially will be minimal at best. But I’m going to do my upmost to give my upmost to this, help as much as I’m able with the effort to make the property great for us and be forever grateful and in all of their debt for this golden chance and massive display of generosity. I can’t put into words what it means. So as i sit here, 24 hours since Kieran left, I’m not feeling sad that we’re not physically together right now. In 6 weeks time, at the beginning of September, the lovely Josh and i will board a train at Southampton, go all the way to London and then onto Morpeth. We’ll travel to Blyth and be staying a few days in order to attend the Sh**ged, Married, Annoyed podcast tour with Kieran and his family. I already know the show will be hilarious. The tickets are already booked, of course figured out by Josh so that I’ll be able to visit the Platform 9&3/4 and hopefully the Harry Potter shop that’s there. On my super Harry Potter bucket list, this is definitely a big one. I think Josh thinks I’m rather mad to have insisted but this is my first trip to Kings Cross so its just something that needs to be done. Anyway, it means that my train lover pal gets to spend even longer in somewhere he loves. It’s going to be different travelling to Newcastle by train, something I haven’t yet tried and probably not something I’d be brave enough to try solo, especially now part of the journey relies on the underground. Once, there used to be a direct train to Newcastle station and that might have been something I’d consider. But not now its much more complicated. But I’ll have my good pal Josh who must be one of the most competent travellers I know by my side so i know we’ll make it. So roll on September and all the fun it already promises. But for now, to Kieran: although i know you won’t read this because you got fed up of my ramblings a long time ago, thank you for the best time yet again. Thank you for flying down to see me on freedom day despite the fact that the pandemic still rumbles on and poses threat to us all. Probably a little reckless on our part but it was so damn great to see you and thankfully we’ve all got through unscathed. Thank you for being there for me through everything, especially when it concerns my broken brain and all that brings. Thank you for excepting me constantly, flaws and all; even though I can’t use cutlery properly, constantly ask questions you’ve already given me answers to and want to buy a sparkly toilet seat even though you say the toilet already has a perfectly good seat. Thank you, and your family of course, for the chance you’ve created for us both; for this opportunity to start the life together we’ve both said we’ve wanted for a long time now. I know right now my offerings don’t come anywhere close to what you and yours are putting in, but I’ll offer everything i have to help. When we’re finally settled or i know a moving date, I’ll be job searching and course finding and doing anything i can to ensure that as quickly as I can I’ll be moving forward positively leading towards me supporting us some, if not as much, as you will. I don’t for a second take what you are, and will be, giving us for granted. To your family, I’m forever grateful. Can’t promise I’ll be cooking food as good as Lesley’s anytime soon, if ever, but maybe one day I’ll be able to make you some kind of dinner that won’t poison you… maybe… or perhaps I’ll just buy a good takeaway… love you, my fella, and I’ll see you soon. Hugs.
PS: this blog title is made up of 2 phrases. “Shitting arthropods” comes from an episode of Friday Night Dinner and has been a saying Kieran has constantly repeated this last week. “Knee balls” is what Kieran kept saying whenever his knee kept hitting the wall, any other object or loudly clicking. I wanted a line from Sarah’s show and had chosen an excellent one as soon as she said it. However, she’d immediately moved on to the next joke and it had completely left my brain. Before, I’d have held onto that line until I got home and was able to note it down. Not these days. Not how my brain works any more. So “Shitting Athropods & Knee Balls” will have to do…
A5Ramblings 