New Year’s Eve 2020

Well, where to start this one…? As I have for the last few years, I wanted to write a little post telling the story, highs and lows, of this year. But unlike I predicted in my last year’s post, 2020 hasn’t been the year anyone expected. The main reason for this, of course, is the global corona virus pandemic that has turned everyone’s world upside down and inside out, basically altering normality for the whole country and world. It’s halted everyone’s plans and made the year a much bleaker one than anyone previously thought. So this post is probably going to be very different to all my previous new year’s posts, mainly because I don’t really have a lot to write.

Firstly, this time last year I was waiting on the confirmation of a start date for the apprenticeship I’d been accepted for at our local hospital. Similar to many things this year, that never came. Sometime in January, just as I’d put in a claim for Access To Work funding for travel and equipment support, I got notification from the hospital that my assistive screen reader software wasn’t compatible with their NHS systems I’d need to use to complete the majority of tasks for the job; and there was nothing they could do to rectify this. So the job was off. Many apologies were given but there was nothing anyone could do about it. For quite sometime, I was very bitter about the outcome. For the first time, I’d actually been chosen for a job. Someone, somewhere, thought my lousy computer skills and patchy attitude were good enough for the role they’d advertised, better than all the other applicants who’d gone for the position. I’d been so elated. I couldn’t believe it. I was going to be employed. I wasn’t going to be another disability unemployment statistic. I’d spent months and months wondering what I’d do after I finished my degree and now I had something concrete, something that was going to last at least 18 months and maybe even to permanent employment. But yet again my disability had gotten in the way. My need for assistive technology to complete a job fully sighted people could do easier and probably a lot quicker than me, even with the assistance, meant that I was no longer eligible. So the search I thought was over began again.

I’m still working with my city council employment support adviser. Again, like everything else this year that’s been put on hold, or at least disrupted by the pandemic. In late march, when the spread of the virus had become much more than the country could cope with and the infection rate and death toll was rising dramatically, the government decided to announce a national lockdown, meaning we could only leave our homes for necessities like food and medical support. Households weren’t allowed to mix, meaning for months we couldn’t see friends and family, let alone people like my employment advisor and the lovely My Guide volunteer Jenny who has supported me so much in my efforts to get a Guide Dog. So everything was put on hold. My employment advisor’s support became remote and Jenny’s assistance stopped altogether. We were told as soon as lockdown was lifted, everything would resume as normal. But nothing about this year has been normal. My employment advisor took a great amount of leave away from the job for personal reasons so for a large majority of the year I haven’t been receiving employment support, remote or otherwise. Plus, since early March, Jenny and I haven’t been able to resume our route practice because guidelines haven’t relaxed enough for us to be allowed to work together again. One positive out of this is that Jenny and I have kept in touch well, phoning each other every couple of weeks or so to catch up on each other’s news and generally have a chat.

Of course, this has also meant that my planned visits to see Kieran have been cancelled this year too. Luckily, we were still able to spend time together in January for our anniversary and his birthday as arranged. But since then, we haven’t seen each other at all. It’s weird not meeting up every few months. Due to the long distance aspect of our relationship, it’s never been your standard affair of spending almost 24/7 together like your average couple. But we never expected this gap in seeing each other when we took the plunge 5 years ago. Strangely, these last 9 months have been the longest we’ve gone without seeing each other since we met, let alone since being a couple. We’ve kept up our FaceTime ritual, although not speaking as often as I’d have liked. But we’ve both got our separate lives. He’s up there working hard as always and ive been down here reading audiobooks, watching rubbish daytime telly and basically wasting my days away until this virus is all over. It was odd, too, spending my birthday without Kieran. It’s the first time since we’ve been together that he’s not been here for it. But as always, he spoilt me with lovely gifts and messages. But that doesn’t match up to having him here. Maybe, next year can be different. Currently, it isn’t looking like that’s likely, but I have to keep hoping. It’s been a long time already and I’d rather it wasn’t too much longer.

The pandemic has meant missing opportunities to see my good pal Josh, too. We often met up, sometimes on a weekly basis, to wander around town, browsing the shops and having lunch out before coming back to mine and lounging around for a while. I miss the social interaction that allowed us to have. Josh and I have also kept in touch via text message and FaceTime. When the restrictions were lifted a fraction during the summer, on a day I knew he was working, I got Dad to quickly take me into say a little hello. Also, last week I popped over to Josh’s flat to deliver a little hamper to brighten up his Christmas. It was lovely to see him both times and I look forward to resuming our meet-ups, hopefully sometime next year.

One of the biggest things that’s happened for me this year is my new diagnosis. For a few years now, I’d been having strange feelings. It felt like I was going to be sick and a dejavu like feeling. To start with, I was only having these feelings once a week or so. However, over time the frequency and intensity of the feeling increased to the point where sometimes I felt really shaken or, if it happened at the dinner table, I was actually nearly sick. After contacting my GP about this, we were referred to the neurology department at our local hospital and I went in to answer all sorts of questions about the strange feelings I was getting. Then, things got a lot worse. I started to have full on seizures, usually in my sleep causing me to wet the bed and worry Kieran who was usually on FaceTime when it happened. Next, I had an MRI scan which confirmed some abnormalities in my brain. The humorous part of me would say we knew my brain wasn’t normal already… but the neuro team were taking it more seriously than me. After studying the scan results some more and viewing a video Mum had managed to take showing me having a seizure, they diagnosed me with focal epilepsy. It was a weird moment to be honest. I didn’t really know what to think or feel. An epilepsy diagnosis seemed nothing compared to the things going on in other people’s families at the moment. But it was there, not going away and requiring medication to get it under control before I was able to do myself any real harm. I was put on a low dosage of seizure preventing medication almost straight away. But the dosage was gradually increased as it didn’t seem to be making any difference to begin with. Then, in August, I woke up on a Sunday afternoon in a hospital bed. Touch wood, I’ve always been a healthy person, rarely needing hospital treatment. Except for the operations I had on my eyes when I was little and the X-Rays I had when I broke my wrist in 2012, I don’t remember any other trips to the hospital for myself. But here I was, led in a bed with stuff coming out of my arms and no memory whatsoever of how I’d somehow ended up there. Mum was sat next to me and, once I’d fully come round and stopped muttering gibberish, she filled me in on what had happened. I’d had a seizure whilst laying on my bed. Tamsin and Mum had heard the Big Bang as I’d hit the floor and come running. When I didn’t come round quickly as I usually do, in panic Mum called for an ambulance. Apparently, I’d wet myself again so once the paramedics had done all the necessary checks, they helped Mum change me into dry clothes before rushing me on a stretcher into the ambulance and off to hospital with Mum sitting worried by my side and after Dad had driven speedily down to collect Tamsin. It’s strange, I’ve always wondered what it’d be like to travel in an ambulance at speed with the lights flashing and sirens blaring and the time I got to experience it I was totally out of it. Thankfully, I didn’t have to stay in hospital longer than the evening. When I was discharged, Mum took me down to get a pity Costa and out to Dad and Tamsin who were waiting in the car. Tamsin filled all the gaps in the story that Mum had missed. It wasn’t a pleasant picture, more for them than me really. I just felt tired. They’d done the worrying. Dad was feeling guilty; he has epilepsy and was thinking it was his fault. Tamsin was scared. Mum was just plain worried I think.

The seizures continued for a month after that. My medication dosage was finally starting to work, though, and since the 15th of September I haven’t had a single episode, big or little. Of course, I had to make the last episode ive had a big one. I was showering with Tamsin in the room and everything was normal. The next thing I know, I’m laying disoriented on the floor of the bathroom and hallway with Mum and Tamsin crowded worriedly around me. I’d had a seizure in the shower and fallen right over the side of the bath. How on earth I managed to miss the sink or wall or radiator or door I’ll never know. But I had a blossoming bruise on my left leg where it’d hit the rim of the bath as I went over. That’s still vaguely ther now on the side of my shinbone, only to touch though. After that, the neuro nurse who mainly deals with my case said I have to be supervised when showering at all times and baths are forbidden. Being supervised in the shower wasn’t a particularly pleasant thought but I was more bothered about not being allowed baths. Ive always loved baths, especially if I’ve got a lush bath bomb to chuck in and make everything smell wonderful. But my lush bath time is over. I miss it, but I’ve got used to just showering now and can use other lush products to ensure I still get my fix. Since that day in September, though, my condition seems to be 100% stable. No seizures, no funny feelings. The medication has stayed at the same dosage level for a couple of months and the neuro team seem happy for that to continue as long as I’m stable. I have review appointments over the phone every 6 weeks or so and it’s been nice to be able to report good news for once. I now have a medical alert card kept in my purse in case I have a seizure when out and about independently and a passerby stops to help. It describes what my seizures are usually like and what to do if I’m having one.

One thing the epilepsy diagnosis has affected more than anything is my attempt to get a Guide Dog match. When they resumed their services after the first lockdown ended, they conducted health risk assessments on all their clients to ensure nothing drastic had happened that might impact on the way their services can be delivered to that person. Of course, for me it had. They’re now still in the process of working everything out so that I can restart using their services. They have to ensure that all the staff who might come in to contact with me are happy working with me and know what to do in the event of a seizure. This includes Jenny. While I of course mostly understand why these things need to happen and that there are protocols needing following, I’m endlessly frustrated about the whole situation. Currently, it’s been 26 months since I was placed active on the waiting list for any potential matches. However, currently I’m not even active on the list. My place will be resumed in the same position as it was once they’ve done all their checks and are satisfied I’m still suitable for a dog. But for now, and god only knows how much longer, they’re not actively even looking for that miracle match. 2020, like all the other years ive been hoping for a Guide Dog, hasn’t been my year. I can only hope, yet again, that next year will be.

Due to my epilepsy, my memory doesn’t seem as sharp as it used to be. Before, I could pretty much remember everything. What had happened in my life on what date years previously; what I needed to do in order each day; what someone had told me over the phone earlier; when something was going to happen next on my calendar etc. Nowadays, all of that is slower if not nonexistent and it bothers me a lot. Often, I have a list of things to do in an order — for example, do the washing up, dry up, put things away, refill the cat’s food and water bowls — and I’ll completely forget to do something. Or, something will have happened in an episode of a program I watch all the time and the next day when watching the next instalment I’ll have completely forgotten. These days, I’m forever saying “oh sorry I forgot”. It’s irritating for everyone but none more than me. I get so frustrated because ive never been like that. Often, I’ve recalled things better than anyone I know. Not any more. Really, that’s the only damaging outcome of the epilepsy so mainly I’m grateful there’s been nothing more serious, touch wood. Nonetheless, it’s still frustrating beyond belief. My neuro nurse did say that once medication dosage is stable and seizures are under control, memory loss seems to improve for most patients. Not for me yet. At one point, it did seem like I was saying I’d forgotten things less often but that doesn’t seem to have continued. The nurse said that as I’d had quite a lot of seizures in quick succession all of a sudden maybe my brain wouldn’t fully recover from the impact. I guess not. Maybe, if I’m lucky, in time that’ll change. I’d love to have the memory capacity I used to again. It was good fun reminding people of things that had happened in the past or things they’d said they’d forgotten about.

Something positive that’s happened this year is the new addition to our household in the form of a gorgeous Abyssinian Guinea pig boar called Teddy. When I rehomed my Guinea girls this time last year, I swore to myself I wouldn’t get any more. I’d made too many mistakes with them to risk it again. But I broke that promise in October after spending a long time considering whether it’d work getting a new one. I researched more this time. I made a plan of how the pig could be more involved in the family, have more floor time and interaction. I didn’t bank on the help of any other member of the household, least of all Tamsin. And so, on the 11th of October, Teddy was brought to us. I’d been in conversation with his breeder for a while, describing exactly what kind of Guinea pig I was looking for and the circumstances in which I was getting one. Surprisingly, she had just what I was after in Teddy. She sent us lots of photos, which Tamsin described, to be certain. Then, she delivered him to us and we agreed she’d been right. From the moment she put him in my hands, I knew 100% I’d made the right decision. Since then, I’ve kept to my word. I spot clean the cage daily, doing a full clean once a week; Teddy gets fresh veg, hay and pellets daily; I keep the room his cage is in as clean as I can and Mum hasn’t complained so far; I wash out his indoor pen with a dustpan and brush, using hot soapy water to thoroughly clean it if it needs it. Almost every evening since his arrival, Teddy has spent his time in his pen in the lounge while we eat dinner and watch telly. Everyone chats to him and as long as I’ve washed my hands after eating and Coco isn’t about, I get him out for cuddles. He loves cuddles. Being reared in an environment where he was handled daily by his breeder and her family means he’s more social than any of my girls, from a pet shop, ever were. He’s becoming more and more friendly, coming up to the bars of his cage and sniffing our fingers and not running away when I go to pick him up. Already, things are going much better than it ever did with the girls. I wish I’d worked harder with them, researched more, known better. But I didn’t. I’m not in touch with their new owners but I’m sure they’re living much better lives than what I could give them at the time. My main comfort is that I did the right thing by them then and now I’m giving Teddy better.

Another thing to impact on the whole family this year is my great Nan, Olive, moving from her bungalow into a nursing home. She was diagnosed with dementia a while ago and it’s been steadily worsening ever since. More recently, she’d been having falls at home and hurting herself as well as not taking care of herself well enough, including washing and dressing. To begin with, she went into hospital after a nasty fall and was then moved to the nursing home for a trial period of 6 weeks. At the end of that, everyone agreed that the right decision was for Nan to stay permanently. Her care needs had become more than we as her family could manage and were too much for a home care package to cope with, unless they were there 24 hours a day. In the end, we all agreed this was best too. For a while, Nan and her brother were upset because Nan Olive had always adamantly said she didn’t want to go into a care home. But we all know that it’s passed the point where she can make reasonable decisions about that sort of thing. Plus, whenever anyone speaks to her on the phone or visits, Nan seems more than happy there. She talks about the lovely staff, nice meals and company she has. She says her room is nice and that they help her. What more can we ask for? If she’d been unhappy then it would’ve been harder. Thankfully, she seems to have settled well and I’m hoping she continues to receive good care and be happy there.

Other than that, not a lot else has happened this year, mostly due to the pandemic putting a stop to everything. In the last few days, Dad has moved into his own little flat which he’s renting. I think it’ll be weird for Nan and Grandad not having him around. I hope he won’t be too lonely by himself. He’s lived with company for the majority of his life so being self-sufficient might come as a bit of a shock for him. Luckily, there’s a chip shop across the road so I’m sure he won’t starve…

With everything that’s going on in the world, nobody can predict what next year will bring. For me, I hope it brings more time spent with Kieran, Imi and Josh; maybe an opening into employment; that magical Guide Dogs phone call; good health and happiness for everyone in my life. My sister will be leaving secondary school, turning 16 and starting a new chapter in her life at our local college studying towards A Levels. My cousin’s turning 18 and going away to university. Kieran will be finishing his contracted term of work for the council and hopefully offered a full-time job. Mum and Dad will be working on at their respective companies, hopefully doing well. Nanny Olive will be living on in the nursing home, hopefully enjoying her time. Nan and Grandad will be having fun with their home all to themselves again at last. Everyone else? Well, I guess we’ll all just be plodding along doing our best. After all, next year can’t be as bad as this one has been, can it?

Teddy Tales Week 1: “I picked him up without dropping him!

Note: before I start this post, I just want to say that I don’t expect anyone to read it the whole way through, if at all. As many of my blog posts are, this is a complete ramble about a part of my life that I wanted to write down. I don’t do it for other people to take interest in but the comments when they do always make me smile. I don’t take this blog particularly seriously and I don’t expect anyone else to either. I just like writing about things that are going on for me, partly for something to do but also so that when I’m thinking about a certain time in the past, I can look back on this and read to remind me what exactly happened. Anyway, on with the post…

Since the corona virus pandemic really hit the UK and with lockdown and everything that’s followed, I haven’t really had anything worthwhile to write about. I haven’t been able to work with Jenny, which I’ve missed enormously; I haven’t been able to go and visit Kieran or have him come to stay with me; I haven’t been able to jump on a train and go up to York to see my sister Imi; I haven’t even been able to meet my good pal Josh in town and go for a chat over a pizza. At times, I wasn’t even able to see my own dad or grandparents, let alone celebrate birthdays the way this family usually would. But really, overall, compared to some of the horrors on the news and sadness experienced by people I know well, Ive been tremendously lucky to have had it pretty easy. Yet, at some moments, I’ve felt seriously down. I won’t say depressed because I think that term is used too flippantly by a lot of people when it’s a serious mental health condition that people battle long-term. But ive definitely felt pretty low. As I said, really I haven’t got anything to complain about and that’s not what this post is about. But during lockdown, after neurology phone calls, I was diagnosed with epilepsy since I’d been having seizures and weird sensations that felt like dejavu, which are actually a seizure in themselves, something called a focal seizure. Although I’d been expecting the diagnosis by then, it still hit me rather hard. Luckily, after knowing several people who have epilepsy, including my dad, I knew it wasn’t the worst thing they could have said. A lot of people have fully controlled epilepsy thanks to regular medication and that’s been the aim for me. Thankfully, ive been quite lucky so far, touch wood, that the medication the doctors and nurses have prescribed has been working well and my seizures seem to be decreasing. Strangely, as I started taking the tablets and the dosage was adjusted, the major seizures I’d be having only during the night became a more regular occurrence and in the daytime. Obviously, this is quite distressing for my family to witness but I’m very grateful that all of them have reacted well and always looked after me whenever present. Ive also been lucky to have only had the major episodes in my home, rather than out and about or in someone else’s house, and somehow haven’t managed to suffer any serious injuries or long-lasting physical damage; unless you count the permanent spot:like bump on the inside of my lip where I crashed into my bedside cabinet during a seizure as I was falling off my bed or the lump on my left shin, the result of falling over the side of the bath whilst having a shower as another seizure took hold. But ive never hit my head or broken anything. How is a complete mystery! The only major shock ive had since the diagnosis was came on Sunday 16 august when I awoke in hospital with Mum at my bedside, having absolutely no idea where I was or how I’d got there. The last thing I remembered was laying comfortably on my bed after a lovely roast dinner. I was told that I’d had a major seizure, resulting in an ambulance being called and me being rushed to hospital, flashing lights and sirens as well. I was completely unaware of it all, although apparently I’d said odd things to the paramedic who’d helped me, and couldn’t quite believe it’d happened. But it definitely had because I certainly wasn’t in my bed any more and was wearing completely different clothes. In the end, I was completely fine and allowed to go home later that night, much to the relief of all my family and friends. The strange thing was, I didn’t even feel sore. But after that, everyone seemed to take my diagnosis much more seriously, more aware now of the dangers ahead if I wasn’t looked after. As everyone went back to work and school, I went back to spending the daytime by myself at home, with no supervision or anyone there to help if I needed it. Personally, that suited me just fine. Really, I’d been getting fed-up of everyone’s constant flapping and panicking every time I moved. At least, that’s what it felt like to me. Of course, I appreciated their care and concern more than I can say but at the same time I just wanted to get on with things, carry on like nothing had changed. Because for me, it didn’t feel like anything had, except every week or so I’d have a big seizure, which I couldn’t predict would happen, and would wake up a couple of minutes later with no recollection of what had just occurred. It didn’t even feel scary for me. Well, not much, anyway. Obviously, I don’t like it when it does happen, especially waking up in a different place to where I last remember being with aches and pains from bangs I didn’t even know I’d done. But I still just felt like me and really didn’t want to make a big deal about it or having everyone making a massive fuss over me, especially when they acted like I was a bomb that could go off any second.

Gradually, though, friends and family seem to have relaxed. Mum has always been a pro at dealing with a seizure when it happens and other members of the family are responding more positively to them nowadays, not freaking out at the sight of them. For me, apart from struggling with some of the new realities of having epilepsy that I just have to live with, it really hasn’t been all that bad. Some of the coincidences of my new condition include Guide Dogs reviewing my application and place on the waiting list and deciding whether I’m still suitable to be matched as well as working with Jenny when restrictions are lifted. Due to lockdown generally and the unpredictability of my seizures, I haven’t really felt comfortable going out independently with my cane, especially on my lengthy routes. Of course ive wanted to. Getting a Guide Dog has been one of my biggest aims for a very long time, as nearly everyone knows me will be well aware of, and I know full well that memorising enough routes and going out to use them regularly is one of the most important requirements for qualifying to be suitable for a dog. But right now, I just don’t have the confidence to try. One of the symptoms I and others have noticed since ive been taking my epilepsy medication, which ive been told is either a side effect of so many seizures in such a short space of time or just the medication itself, is memory loss. It’s not too drastic; for example, sometimes I’ll have a list of things I need to do in the morning in my head and I’ll just completely forget to do one of them, despite it’s importance. Or’ I’ll ask someone a question and a little while later as it again because I’ll have forgotten their answer or that ive already asked it. Or, I’ll be watching a program w on TV and completely forget what’s happened in the previous episode, even though I only watched it a few days earlier. Usually, these things come back to me when I’m reminded. But it’s still a bit unsettling, especially as ive always had a super sharp memory. Luckily, I’m told that when my medication dosage is stable and hopefully the seizures are under control, the memory problems should lessen or even return to normal. I’m keeping my fingers crossed for that…

Anyway, this wasn’t supposed to be a post where I ramble on about epilepsy; that’s just the background for what I do want to ramble about. After having to rehome my 3 beautiful guinea pig girlies last December, due to not receiving the caring support from my sister that she’d promised and thinking I was starting a full-time apprenticeship in January, ive always missed them terribly. I didn’t regret my choice as I know they all went to good homes that I’m sure provide them with everything I just couldn’t. But I missed them. Plus, after everyone returned to work and school, I felt increasingly lonely at home. With only the cat for company, which wasn’t much as she’s no longer allowed in my room due to my luxurious new feather duvet, I started spending a lot more time texting friends and with my grandparents. But it still felt like I was missing something, and I knew it was the missing presence of the girls. Although I’d found it very difficult looking after them by myself, it’d given me a daily routine and kept me busy in a way books and podcasts just aren’t able to. However, as we’d ended up with 3 piggies, after originally getting one each for Tamsin and I and then a third I just couldn’t resist, I just wasn’t able to keep up with all the duties necessary to give them the lifestyle they need. Also, as there was 3 of them, I couldn’t spend the time I needed to bonding with each of them. So that’s why I decided to rehome them. As I thought it over and over these past few months, I knew I’d made the right decision but that if I’d done things a little differently it could’ve worked better. I did more research into owning guinea pigs and asked lots of questions of a fellow VI guinea pig enthusiast and decided to take the plunge. This time, I’d do things better. I’d make it easier for myself so I was less likely to fail. But most of all, if Mum agreed to having another guinea pig in the house, this time I wouldn’t give up if it got too tough.

,

Mum said yes. I told Tamsin. I started researching into the right cage, bedding, hay, litter, toys, bowls and enrichment. I phoned all my local Pets At Homw shops, where I’d gotten my girls from, but none of them currently had pigs in and said it was a lottery whether I’d be lucky enough to find any if I just popped in. So I looked into alternatives and after a lot of searching and a lot of negative responses, I found a lady fairly local to me who was selling exactly what I was looking for. Out of the 3 girls we’d had, my favourite had been Hazel, who’d been the surprise addition to our group after I’d fallen in love with her whilst buying hay for the other 2. Hazel had beautiful long fur that was super fluffy and made her lovely to cuddle. She was also the cuddly of my 3, snuggling right in when I held her close, even if she was still quite nervy 8 months later when she went to her new home. I knew if I was going to have another piggy I wanted its fur to feel like hers. But this time I was only having one and a male, because they cope better alone. Plus, he was going to get tons more attention than I’d been able to give the girls, mostly because there’s no chance of me starting work anytime soon and he’d be the only one I had to concentrate on. I was going to do things differently this time. Enter Teddy, an 8 week old chocolate Abyssinian baby boy with the most beautiful fluffy fur and the loveliest nature of any baby Guinea pig ive known. He is absolutely everything I was hoping for, even if he only arrived yesterday… and the most ironic thing about Teddy is that as I am in a hospital bed having no idea how I’d ended up there, he was born. I don’t believe in fate or anything like that, but as I’m aiming for a more positive future than the last few months have been, I think it is a rather big coincidence that he’s arrived with my new start.

So far, ive not been able to do much with Teddy because he’s so skittish, totally understandable as he’s in a new and unfamiliar environment. Yesterday, when his breeder and family dropped him off, I was able to have my first cuddle, which lasted unexpectedly long as he was very calm and still snuggled into my hoodie. From the moment she handed him to me, I was utterly besotted. She had a good look around his new cage and declared it perfect for him. After they’d left, I carefully carried the slightly unsettled Teddy to his new home and placed him inside, upon which he ran into the nearest available hiding place, the carrot cottage underneath the big platform. I left him alone for a few hours, knowing he was probably terrified of his new situation. Later, while we were watching some TV, I went and got him out of his cage and cradled him on my lap for a while. It was lovely just to hold him. But I made the cuddle brief, not wanting to upset him and knowing it was more important to leave him in peace to settle.

Monday, day 2

This morning, I went down and checked on Teddy, who seemingly hadn’t moved from his position hiding in the carrot house. I scattered a bit more of the hay, veg and pellets I’d got ready for him up on his platform over the floor of his cage, hoping he’d be brave enough to come out and eat. Later, at lunchtime, I went in and got him out for a cuddle. Ive been advised that the sooner you start holding them, the quicker they get used to you and settle in. But it’s better to be done in short but frequent sessions. So, after Tamsin came in from school, I tried again, holding him close up under my chin and stroking him gently, talking to him quietly and letting Tamsin smooth him too. When I put him back in his cage, I copied what I’d done earlier, placing him up on his platform in front of his food and water in an attempt to get him to eat and drink. Earlier when I’d tried this, he’d just scuttled away down the ramp and hidden in his wooden tunnel at the opposite end of the cage. However, this time he stayed on the platform and Tamsin watched as he ate from his pellet bowl. I was so pleased. I know it’s only day 2 and progress will be slow, but I’m just so glad he’s eaten. Later, when I checked on him before going up to bed, he was still on the platform. I worked around him, picking up all his droppings and putting them in the litter tray. I’ve been told this should teach him to toilet in one area. He didn’t seem to bothered, just flinching a little when I got too close. But when I was finished, I reached across and stroked his fur gently and he didn’t move. Again, I felt pleased as when I’d tried this earlier, he’d ran away as fast as he could. Further, the amount of droppings I’d cozllected when cleaning his cage felt like a positive sign too. He’d clearly been eating something.

Tuesday: day 3

When I came down for breakfast this morning, Mum told me that Teddy seemed to be in the same position that I’d left him the previous evening. Checking on him, I found that he was still on the platform and underneath the hanging fluffy hammock above it. But as I trailed my hand around, I found quite a large amount of droppings that definitely hadn’t been there the night before. Although I was worried that he’d been trapped up there all night not knowing how to get down, I again was quite relieved that he’d been eating something. I lifted him out for a little cuddle and again he didn’t struggle. This time, when I put him back I put him on the bottom floor of his cage and after having a look around, he ran underneath the platform and into his carrot cottage, giving me the perfect chance to do some cleaning. As I’d trailed my hand around looking for clues, I’d realised that through a combination of droppings, pee, water from the bottle and the food I’d scattered around, the platform was actually quite dirty. I knew I couldn’t leave it like that, especially as Teddy’s fur is prone to collecting dirt due to it’s length and fluffiness. So I cleared off all the mess before wiping the surface off with a damp dishcloth that had been soaking in washing up liquid. This cleaned the platform well and I dried it off with a tea towel straight away, removing any leftover mess. After that, I decided to empty out his litter tray and hay racks completely and start fresh. I hoped maybe the fresh scent of new hay and veg would entice Teddy up onto the platform to eat again. The litter tray and hay racks were pretty simple to empty and refill. This time, I put less hay in the rack so it didn’t get wasted as much if Teddy didn’t eat it all before I needed to change it again. Also, when refilling his supplies of pellets and veg, I put less in so it wouldn’t be wasted either, or if it was it wouldn’t be as much waste. When I was finished, I lifted Teddy out of his carrot cottage for another short cuddle. Again, he seemed pretty settled and calm against my chest. I placed him back in the cage and in the litter tray so he was aware of his fresh food and hay. I’d also refilled the water bottle too, which I’d heard him drinking from earlier for the first time. Although he wriggled out of the tray, as I walked away I could hear that he was again eating, whether the pellets, hay or veg I wasn’t sure. But again I was pleased he was eating; I’m sure it must be a good sign.

At lunchtime, when I went in to see what he was up to, I found that again he was still on the platform where I’d left him. He didn’t want to be touched, either, because every time I put my hand anywhere near him, he skittered away. I stopped trying to pick him up and instead felt around the platform and the rest of the cage to see if there was any evidence of him leaving the platform voluntarily at any point during the morning. I did find a couple of droppings scattered around the vet bed covering of the floor of his cage but couldn’t be certain if they hadn’t been there earlier and I’d just missed them. But when I felt around the platform — Teddy was hiding in the corner litter tray at this point, determined not to be touched — I found that a large amount of the pellets I’d piled on the surface of the platform were gone and there were quite a few droppings in their place. This was really positive as it meant he was certainly eating something. The hay in the litter tray seemed to have decreased, too. The only thing he seemed not to have taken notice of was the veg. The few leaves that had fallen out of the bowl onto the platform surface were the same as when I’d placed the bowl back in the cage and the contents of the bowl itself seemed untouched. I was a little disappointed about this but have to keep reminding myself that Teddy has only been with us 3 days so everything is still new and unfamiliar to him, which is probably pretty daunting for such a small creature who’s used to being with his mother and litter mates. Later, when Tamsin came home from school and then Mum home from work a while after that, I got Teddy out both times and although he seemed reluctant, he soon calmed against my chest and allowed everyone to stroke him without fuss. When I put him back in the cage for the last time today, I placed him on the vet bed flooring, hoping he’d feel free to go wherever he wanted in the cage. He immediately went in to the log tunnel and hid there. But when Mum looked in on him later on, he’d moved across the cage into his carrot cottage, which so far seems to be his preferred place. While sat eating dinner in the lounge, we could hear Teddy chewing away at the carrot cottage and again I felt relieved that he was eating something at least. I’d messaged his breeder for advice earlier, worried that he didn’t seem to be exploring the cage at all. She gently reminded me that he was only a baby, had only just been separated from his family and put in a completely alien location. She advised that I try to be patient and let him settle in. She reckoned he’d soon start investigating his new surroundings and soon be more confident to run around his cage wherever he wanted, eating whatever he fancied. So I’ll keep trying, keep doing my best to be patient and just see what happens. My happiest times are of course when I’m snuggling him. Getting him to enjoy cuddles certainly isn’t going to be a struggle thanks to his breeder’s excellent introduction of cuddles in his life. He already snuggles into me and I’m hoping in time a really strong bond will form. But for now I’m just going to see what tomorrow brings. I’ll have a little time with him in the morning but then I’m out for the majority of the day. I’m hoping that the calm and quiet of the house for an extended period of time might entice him out of his hiding places to see what treats he can find. I’ll clean the cage up a little before I go and make sure his hay, pellets and veg are well stocked. But fingers crossed…

Wednesday: day 4

This morning, when I went into check on Teddy I found him under his log tunnel. He allowed me to stroke him but seemed to be expecting to be picked up and wasn’t very pleased about it; he was squeaking his displeasure quietly. But I hadn’t come to pick him up, not straight away. I did a quick check around his cage and found that the place he’d done the most droppings was again the carrot cottage. I collected them all up and put them in the litter tray, hopefully to encourage him to make that his toileting place. Ive been told some owners have great success in toilet trading their piggies and I’m hoping that’ll be the case for Teddy. Obviously, if they’re litter trained then cleaning the cage will be easier and the smell should be less, even though it isn’t huge anyway. I don’t mind cleaning the cage as much as they need to be clean, of course, but everyone likes the job to be as simple as possible. I thought if I started trying straight away then fingers crossed I’m more likely to get success. Who knows!

He let me get him out for a little cuddle after I’d cleaned the vet bedding. I’d checked the platform too but there wasn’t any droppings up there. It didn’t seem like the veg had been touched either so I’m assuming he stayed on the bottom level overnight. After our brief cuddle, I put him back on vet bed and he scurried into his carrot cottage. I added fresh pellets in a little pile to the platform and am hoping during the day he’ll venture up there for food.

Well, I certainly got my wish… when we came home from dinner with our Nan, Grandad and Dad, we found that not only was Teddy on the platform but at some point in the day he’d also been in his hanging hammock — there were droppings in there as proof — and had eaten all of his veggies and pellets. I’m quite sure too that the amount of hay in the hanging hay rack cube and litter tray had lessened. I felt so elated. The last few days ive been so worried about him not finding his food or eating enough and today he proved I had nothing at all to be concerned about. Except that when I picked him up his underneath was absolutely soaked… I didn’t know what to do for the best. There were puddles of wee mixed in with droppings that had softened and spread everywhere. Teddy didn’t smell particularly pleasant and I knew it wasn’t good to leave a guinea pig wet, especially with his long fur. At the same time, I wasn’t sure I felt comfortable bathing him. He’s only been here 4 days and although I feel like he’s growing to trust me very fast, I didn’t think that’d stretch to a bath. So I asked as many people for advice as I could; I panic texted his breeder and posted in the guinea pig-related Facebook group I’m in, desperately hoping someone might suggest something I felt safe doing. But in the end I felt there was no other choice but to bath him. While shopping today, I’d bought a small lunch box tub I plan to use to fill with water to clean out his cage. But I thought this would be safer to use than just putting him in the sink. Only filling it with a few inches of warm water, with my sister supervising and a towel under the box in case of any splashes, I gently lowered Teddy into the water, his back end facing me and his face as high up as I could get it so he wouldn’t get water in his eyes/noes/mouth. But I shouldn’t have worried at all. Teddy was an absolute star! The only time he wriggled at all was as I lowered him into the tub. Then, he was absolutely calm as anything and we’re sure he enjoyed the wash. I only put his underside in the water, not wanting to go the whole way and give him a full wash. I was still terrified something bad was going to happen. I mean, who predicts that after only owning a piggy 4 days their first bathing experience is going to go smoothly. Certainly not me! But it couldn’t have gone any better. Teddy stayed calm throughout the bat, letting me wash through his underneath no problems. Then, when I laid him on the microfibre towel on my lap, he stayed still and let me gently dry his belly and bum. While I was doing that, my sister tried to reward him with some curly kale but despite clearly being interested, he declined. It took us quite a while to get him completely dry. He was quite happy laying in the towel, having what I guess must have been a massage. Whatever he felt it was, he was 100% enjoying it. I just can’t believe that I’ve successfully bathed my little guinea pig, especially only 4 days after getting him. But the thing I really cannot get over is how great he really was throughout. I just hope it wasn’t a fluke and that any future baths are an equally positive experience. I think it made the bond between us even stronger too. I really hope this positivity continues. Also, I’m looking into covering options for the platform. Due to its curved edge, whatever I buy will need to be cut to size. As well as this, I’ll need 2 of whatever I choose so that there’s always a clean spare on full cage clean out day. So far, some suggestions have been fleece linings, wood shavings and bath mats, which I think will be the option I go with as the review from another piggy owner I got was really reassuring that they’ll suit the job I need for them perfectly. But right now, Teddy is comfy again in his cage, I’m hoping munching on the leaves of mint I gave him as a reward for being so super throughout his new experience.

Thursday: day 5

This morning, I was again pleased to find Teddy up on the platform. Thankfully, it wasn’t soaked like yesterday and his underneath was dry. I made up his veg bowl — some carrot, celery, cucumber, peppers and parsley — and then put a small handful of pellets on top before placing it on the platform, where Teddy had remained. I was hoping that by putting the pellets in the bowl with the veg rather than just on the surface of the platform they’d stay fresh instead of getting soggy. While I emptied and refilled his hay supply, Teddy happily munched away at the fresh food, seemingly unfazed by my scrabbling around in his cage for droppings or scattered food/hay. I decided to try him with the hay rack ball I’d bought instead of the cube. At first, I’d had both in the cage but he wasn’t going near them. Since just having the cube, it hadn’t seemed like he’d eaten much hay at all and I know it makes up the majority of their diet so want to make sure he’s getting as much as possible. The hay ball has wider gaps which I’m hoping will make it easier for him to pull hay strands out and eat from.

At lunchtime, I again found Teddy on the higher level, this time actually in the litter tray. The veggie bowl was almost empty, with no sign at all of any pellets. There was a pile of droppings beside the bowl and a little puddle. I was pleased to find that Teddy was still dry. There was a small amount of hay scattered about too so it seemed the ball was becoming a success. I found several droppings in the hammock as well and was pleased that he seemed to be going in it. Once I’d done all the cleaning up of the cage, I lifted Teddy out for a little snuggle. He didn’t seem too happy about being taken out of his cage at first but quickly got comfortable. I was relieved to find that he wasn’t at all smelly despite last night’s ordeal and that fact that I’d only bathed him in clean water without any shampoo. Earlier, I’d gone online and bought some guinea pig shampoo recommended to me by someone in the Guinea Pigs Facebook group and some microfibre bath mats which we’ll need to cut to size to fit the platform. Hopefully, this won’t take much to do and this will soon be another issue tackled. Plus, having the shampoo in stock will mean that if there are any future soggy incidents then they’ll be easily rectified.

Later on, when I went into see what he was up to, Teddy was again on the platform, seemingly eating something. He scuttled about a bit when I first put my hand inside but stayed still to let me briefly stroke him. I noticed that there was another little puddle beside the food bowl and decided to experiment putting it in the litter tray. This way, hopefully he’ll mostly do his business in the tray, lowering the chance of sogginess.

Friday: day 6

This morning, I had to be a bit quicker than usual as Tamsin had a day off school so we’d had a bit of a lie in and also Nan and Grandad were taking us out for lunch so we needed to be ready for midday. Teddy didn’t seem bothered by the extra speediness of my cleaning his cage and topping up his food and water. I cleaned the bowl and bottle and had found that he seemed to be eating much better if I put the pellets on top of the veg. I cut up peppers, carrot and a small amount of cucumber before putting some parsley and mint leaves on top. Then, I took a small handful of pellets and added them. Teddy seemed very excited about his fresh food and started chomping away as soon as the bowl was in his litter tray. I hadn’t really noticed a difference in the amount of droppings on the platform surface but hope in time as he adjusts to eating out of the bowl in the litter tray this might change. However, he does seem much cleaner than my 3 girls, whether that’s because there’s just one of him or boys are generally cleaner I don’t know. But there’s only been a couple of droppings scattered around on the vet bed since he’s gotten used to going up on the platform for his food and water. He’d also been in the hammock again which a few droppings proved. Just before we left to go out, Tamsin managed to get a photo of Teddy in his hammock.

When we came home later on, I went in to check on Teddy and he again seemed perfectly happy on the platform. There was another small puddle on the platform and a lot of droppings to pick up, which I sorted out quickly. Then, I got Teddy out for a little cuddle and was again pleased that despite the mess on his platform, he had remained dry. I always put him on the main level when I put him in his cage so that he can take himself up onto the platform if he wants or go in the log tunnel or carrot cottage.

Saturday: day 7

I can’t believe tomorrow Teddy will have been here a week already! It’s definitely been a week that’s taught me a lot about caring for a guinea pig, much more that the 9 months I had my girls did. Obviously, having had the experience of looking after them made me more confident to be able to look after Teddy before he arrived, but learning throughout this first week has shown me many different techniques I just wouldn’t have thought of with the girls; probably because I was too busy trying to look after them and have spent much more time bonding with Teddy than I managed with them. Plus, they never had the second level of a platform like Teddy has and although their cage was bigger — because there was 3 rather than 1 — it was in a way easier to clean as I just had to pick droppings of the vet bed. Also, even though I did put a little while, I never had the patience to persever with it. I’m glad that I’m able to try much harder with Teddy to make things work.

This morning, I had to fill up Teddy’s hay ball as well as his food bowl. As soon as I came downstairs first thing, he started squeaking very loudly. He was obviously expecting to be fed. Today, I mixed celery, cucumber, carrot and peppers together before adding parsley and kale. Again, I finished this off with pellets. He was very happy with this and as soon as I placed the bowl in the litter tray he started eating straight away, not even moving as I refilled his hay bowl and repositioned his water bottle so that it too was over the litter tray. Tomorrow, it’s full cage clean out day and will be the first time ive put Teddy in his indoor pen. I’m going to add his carrot cottage and log tunnel so he has places to hide as well as different chew toys in case he’s feeling brave. It’ll be good to try out the cage cleaner ive bought and maybe even the small animal safe for guinea pigs shampoo that came through in the post if Teddy’s got wet again. I’ll only use that when I really have to, though, because being bathed too often won’t be very good for his skin. I’m looking forward to seeing what my second week with Teddy brings and how much more settled he becomes. It’s already incredible how happy he seems in his new home and how much he seems to be getting used to me. I really hope this positivity continues and honestly can’t thank his breeder enough for giving me such a confident little piggy. It really shows the difference between getting guinea pigs from a pet shop rather than an experienced breeder who really cares for her animals. In all the 9 months I had the girls, the only one who got close to liking being held the way Teddy already is was Hazel; but even she was incredibly nervous. I miss them a lot but know I did the right thing rehoming them because I just couldn’t care for them how they needed. Similarly, I know ive done the right thing in getting Teddy because we’re already forming a good bond and ive been able to look after him much better so far.

New Year’s Eve 2018

Somehow, the final day of this year has arrived. It is the 31st of December 2018 and tonight, at midnight, it’ll become 2019. Where this year, like all the other years before it, has gone, I don’t know… What I do know is that I’ve had a pretty great 2018, overall, and I wanted to sum it up by writing about it in this post, where I hope to speak about all the important things that have happened for me this year.

Firstly, in January, just after he’d celebrated his 21st birthday, which sadly I wasn’t able to spend with him, Kieran and I passed our 2-year-anniversary of being together. To make up for the missed chance of celebrating such a milestone, the following month I flew up to Newcastle for the first time this year and together Kieran and I went on our first couples holiday, driven there by his Mum. We had a fantastic time on our little holiday, much better than I’d anticipated. Of course, I’d been looking forward to the time away with Kieran but I’d been nervous about the hotel. Everything was great, though, especially the meals served in the evenings included in our package price.

A week before Kieran and I went on holiday, one of the biggest and most important things to happen this year occurred. As planned, on February 2nd, just before lunchtime, I became an auntie for the very first time when my brother’s first child, a beautiful daughter, entered the world. I’d been so excited about becoming an auntie since the first time my brother had announced that his girlfriend was pregnant but the emotions I felt on that day when I received the message to say she’d arrived were like nothing I’d ever felt before. Unfortunately, due to everyone’s circumstances, it took a further 8 weeks for me to meet my beautiful niece, when I boarded a train that took me to Stoke-On-Trent to stay with my brother and his little family and at last meet the baby. My parents, sister and grandparents had travelled up to visit the little family and meet the baby just after she’d been born but I’d already been in Newcastle at this point so unable to accompany them. So to finally meet her at the end of March was amazing. I’d been dreaming of the moment for ages but to finally cradle her in my arms was like nothing else in the world. Sadly, due to circumstances beyond everyone’s control, I’ve been unable to see my niece since that first time. She’s soon to be 11 months old, is crawling and talking. By the time I’m able to see her again, and even now, she’s a whole little person of her own, no longer a tiny baby who lies in my arms quite happily dozing for hours on end. I miss her terribly but unfortunately there’s nothing anyone is able to do to change things right now. My hope is that 2019 will bring lots of opportunities for me to see my niece, to bond with her properly and for her to know who I am. Regardless of what happens, I’ll continue to love her unconditionally and be grateful for those few days I spent with her when she was 2 months old.

In May, I celebrated my 21st birthday. Kieran flew down to stay at mine for a week so was able to celebrate it with me. We spent the day relaxing and in the evening went out for a meal with my whole family. The following day, the celebrations continued when we traveled to London to visit the well-known Madame Tussaud’s. sadly, I didn’t enjoy it as much as my parents had expected. But it was still a nice trip out and now i can say I’ve been there.

In June, my academic year with The Open University finished with my first end-of-year exam, the first I’ve ever sat. It took place at St. Mary’s stadium and due to my disability I was given my own room, exam officer and extra time. It wasn’t half as bad as I feared and once it was over, the joy of having months of summer freedom ahead felt great. I’d finished Level 2 study towards my degree and as long as I’d passed, in October I’d be moving onto Level 3, the final level and fingers crossed final year of my degree. I’d decided that, as studying two Level 2 modules simultaneously had gone pretty well, I’d give studying two Level 3 modules simultaneously a go too.

In July, my results were in. I’d passed both Level 2 modules with flying colours and had my ticket to move forward to Level 3 study the following academic year. So I chose my new modules, both 60 credit Level 3 modules, one with a health and social care theme and the other with a children and families theme, both subjects I’d be interested in working in for a career.

Talking of working, despite my continued participation with an employment adviser from the local council, I haven’t moved anywhere near to being employed. Thanks to a suggestion from Jenny, my My Guide volunteer from Guide Dogs, I’m hoping to start some volunteering in the new year with a local charity. Thanks to the local county council and my employment adviser, I was even funded the equipment I needed to complete the tasks in the job properly. I’d intended to start volunteering with them before Christmas but have been working on the route to the offices with Jenny. For some reason, the route hasn’t sunken in and I haven’t become competent enough with it to travel to the offices independently and start volunteering. As the route is taking so long to learn, I’ve decided that, in the new year, I’ll have a conversation with the ladies at the volunteering job and ask Dad to ferry me to and from the offices so that I can start volunteering. Although I wanted to get there independently, I think actually doing the volunteering is more important than putting it off until I’ve learnt the route. I don’t know how much longer that’s going to take and I don’t want to mess the charity around by keeping them waiting for me to be ready. Hopefully, 2019 will mean I’ll be volunteering regularly and fingers crossed be employed this time next year. My degree is due to end at the beginning of June and I don’t intend to be sat around unemployed for long. I’ll do whatever it takes to be working by the end of next summer.

Just after my university exams were over and I was a free agent for the summer, an extra special 21st birthday gift from my parents was fulfilled. On Wednesday the 27th of June, after getting dressed up in all the appropriate clothing and accessories and having a meal before we hit the road, it was time to go to a place I’ve been hoping I could one day visit. Mum programmed the post code into the sat nav and Dad drove us to the Warner Bros.. studios London, the home and creation place for the Harry Potter films I so love. I was wearing Harry Potter leggings, a Harry Potter t shirt, a Harry Potter sweatshirt, Harry Potter socks, Harry Potter Converse-style shoes and carrying my Harry Potter rucksack. Around my neck I wore my time turner necklace, themed from the third film, and the deathly hallows necklace themed from the last book. I had Harry Potter bracelets on and was so excited it was unbelievable. We had the most amazing day. When we arrived, Mum and Dad started taking photographs as soon as we got out of the car. As soon as we showed our passes, we were allowed in early and met by a member of staff acting as audio description for me. This basically meant that I held her arm and she showed me everything she was able to show me throughout the studios. Mum, Dad and Tamsin almost had to follow in our wake. She was great, though, ensuring they didn’t feel left out but making it quite clear her sole purpose was to make sure I had the best possible time and got absolutely everything there was to experience out of the visit. She got props out from display cabinets for me to feel and described everything in as much detail as possible. In the gift shops, I told her what sort of merchandise I was interested in and she let me feel everything that fit my categories. She remembered who my favourite character was, Severus Snape of course, and anything to do with him throughout the tour she made sure to show or describe. In the cafe, she left us for a bit for her quick bathroom and food break and I was able to try something I’d wanted to taste as soon as I knew it’d been created at the studios; butter beer. It’s the Hogwarts students favourite tipple and the way J K Rowling had described it in the book had always made me wish it was real. When I tasted it for real I was so glad it existed. If I had to describe its taste making comparisons to things I’ve eaten/drank in the past, I’d say butter beer is a combination of cream soda fizzy drink and butterscotch sauce. For anyone who doesn’t have a sweet tooth, butter beer really wouldn’t be their thing. But as I love everything sweet, it was right up my street. Visiting all aspects of the set was amazing and I hope in the future to go back again. Having the audio describing tour guide certainly made the visit extra magical and when Mum left her feedback online I made sure she mentioned how amazing our guide had been and how much of an improvement she’d made to our visit, especially for me.

June this year also brought an event that I’d been looking forward to since it’d been booked almost a year previously. Josh, Kieran, Imi and I met up in a hotel opposite Newcastle airport on Friday 8 June in preparation for the Ed Sheeran concert we were attending the following night at St James Park. We’d all been looking forward to it for a very long time and the following evening, Ed didn’t disappoint. He is easily the best performer I’ve ever seen and it’ll take a lot for anyone to overtake him. His support acts, Jamie Lawson and Anne-Marie, were both great too. The concert was pretty incredible. But what happened next when we got back to the hotel was even more amazing. As we were leaving the stadium, Kieran asked if, when we got back, he could have a word with me in his room. Obviously I agreed. So once we were back, Kieran and I went into his room. What he did next shocked me so much I nearly couldn’t answer. Kieran proposed. He said that although he knew we didnt have anything planned yet and it’d be a long time before any wedding took place but you just know when the moment is right to ask this kind of thing and if he didnt ask now then the perfect moment would pass. Obviously, I said yes. I didnt even need to think about my answer. I know we have nothing planned and still live almost 300 miles apart but that doesn’t matter. I love Kieran, he loves me and he wants us to get married one day. There was no other answer than “of course”. Afterwards, he rang both sets of parents to share our news. He’d said that although he didnt have a ring right now he’d get me one. He just didn’t want to miss the moment. I didn’t care about rings or plans or distance right there and then. All that mattered was that Kieran had asked me, Kieran wanted us to get married. I wanted that too. I wanted a promise that meant forever and he’d just proposed it. So there it was; Kieran and I were engaged, 2 years 5 months after we’d first got together. And although our parents seemed happy enough for us, their feelings didn’t come anywhere close to the elation Josh and Imi showed when we told them moments later in the next-door hotel room. Their happiness was certainly catching and somehow, what had just happened had outshined Ed Sheeran. A night that was already one of the most amazing I’d ever had had become the best night of my life.

It took us until November to get rings, the first real opportunity we’d had since Kieran’s proposal. He chose a white gold one and I a yellow gold one. They were picked because they were the ones that felt best on our fingers and the ones we were both happiest with. Having the rings felt as magical as the proposal and just further reiterated the promise Kieran and I had committed to each other. The rest of our lives…

As well as seeing Kieran for our holiday in February, at the Ed Sheeran concert in June and for my birthday, I also traveled to Newcastle to spend a couple of weeks there in august. Also, in November, Kieran came down to mine for a week and I accompanied him back up to Newcastle for a fortnight afterwards, bringing us to December. We’ve been lucky this year to have seen so much of each other, especially considering Kieran is still working full-time at his apprenticeship and I’m still studying full-time from home. The beauty of distance learning is that I can study anywhere, including at Kieran’s parents’ house.

Continuing our theme of seeing as many comedians live as we possibly can from the past few years, this year I’ve seen Shappi Khorsandi, John Bishop, Kevin Bridges and Dara O’Brien. Out of the 4 of them, I’d have to say John Bishop was my favourite. Not only was his show hilarious and one I’m now thrilled to own on DVD thanks to Christmas, but what he did at the end of his show will stick with me for a long time. At the end, as he announced that a special video of his family was going to be shown on screen, he said there was something he needed to go and do. I guessed that maybe it was bringing his children out on stage after the video finished so was shocked out of my skin when a hand landed on my arm and he asked how much I could see. When I replied with nothing, he started to describe the pictures showing on screen. John Bishop knelt beside me for the entirety of the short video and described every single detail of all the photos. I couldn’t believe what was happening and neither could Josh. We’ve talked and talked about it since and the following day after I tweeted about it, John himself replied saying it was his pleasure. Out of respect for the person he is and to remember the show by, I bought a fridge magnet and tour t shirt from his website and every time I wear the shirt I’m reminded what a truly awesome person John Bishop is. I mean, I knew he was before that show after all the charity work he’s done but that little gesture really meant a great deal to me. And I’m not saying the other comedians weren’t as great, because they’ve all been good in their own ways, but John Bishop just had that little bit of extra sparkle.

One thing I haven’t mentioned much yet is Guide Dogs. That’s because I wanted to leave it til last so I could write it all down properly, not that all of it hasn’t already been documented in this blog over the last year. In my New Year’s blog post last year, I wrote that one of my hopes for 2018 was that I’d be on the Guide Dogs waiting list, waiting for that phone call saying they’d found a potential four-legged match for me. As I wrote that last year, I didn’t honestly believe that a year later it’d be true, that it’d actually happen. After fighting for a Guide Dog for so long and having such a disastrous partnership from Seeing Dogs, however much I loved Zena, I think I’d started to believe it’d never happen. But on the 24th of October, after a turn-around in events I could’ve never predicted, I got that phone call from Guide Dogs; I was on the waiting list, at last! So this year I’ve a new hope for the next. It can’t be that I hope I’ll be accepted for a Guide Dog, because I already am, so it’ll have to be that I hope that this time next year when I’m rambling on writing this kind of post, there’ll be a four-legged furry companion led on the floor at my side, snoozing after we’ve come home from a harness walk, all qualified as a working Guide Dogs partnership. I know I could be waiting a lot longer than one year for a dog but I’m praying 2019 can be my year.

In an effort to make 2019 the year I get a dog, not that I can actually influence it, I’ve been continually working all of 2018 with my My Guide volunteer Jenny, who I was matched with late last year, on the routes I need to learn in order to have a suitable workload for a dog. As October showed, the effort, dedication, determination and perseverance this year has obviously paid off as Guide Dogs have put me on the waiting list. However, their only condition to me being suitable for a dog was that I continue to practice my routes. Further than that, I intend to learn new routes so that by the time they find me a match, I’ll be able to show them I not only fulfilled their condition but surpassed it. Not only that but I really enjoy mine and Jenny’s partnership. She’s a truly lovely lady and I’m blessed to have been matched with her and for her to continue to work with me. I’ll never be able to show just how grateful I am for Jenny’s continued help and support and for her enabling me to fulfil my wish of being on the Guide Dogs waiting list. Without her, I certainly wouldn’t have achieved that goal.

So here’s to 2018. It’s been a pretty damn amazing year for me and I’m just hoping 2019 can continue that streak. I hope my family and friends who I hold dear to me continue to be healthy and happy. I hope I continue to be blessed with good health, great quality of life and so many amazing people in my life. I hope 2019 brings good things for everyone I love and care about, and for everyone I don’t. I wish only good for everyone. I hope I graduate from the Open Uni with a good degree grade and hopefully find employment without too much fuss and heartache. I hope Kieran and I are able to see each other as much as study, cost and employment allows. And I hope I get that call from Guide Dogs. But above all, at least 2018 has been such a great year that’s given me so many precious memories. I’m looking forward to making many more over the next 365 days, which I’m sure I’ll ramble on about in this blog. Thanks to those who are still reading, I appreciate you. But I never started this blog or type out any of its posts for tons of readers. I write them because I enjoy it and because I love being able to document memories I want to cherish to look back on. That’s exactly what this is. Wishing everyone a happy healthy 2019. HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

New year’s eve 2017

So today is new year’s eve, meaning tomorrow is a brand new year. At midnight, we’ll enter 2018. For many, tonight will be about partying. I know a lot of people who usually drink a lot of alcohol and have a lot of fun in pubs and clubs with friends and family. Usually, I spend the evening all cosy at home with at least my Mum and sister Tamsin, sometimes accompanied by my Dad too. The last couple of years, its only been Mum, Tamsin and me, not really fussed about staying up til midnight but doing it anyway, watching rubbish TV until about ten to midnight when Mum changes the channel and we watch the count down to new year. I can’t remember a year when I haven’t watched the last ten minutes of the year flutter by on TV. Then, when Big Ben chimes in London and the fireworks start, I’ll wish whoever I’m nearest a happy new year. Some years, Mum and I have gone to stand out on our front porch to watch the fireworks nearby going off. Most years, they’re still going an hour later. This new yer’s, though, I’m not going to spend the last ten minutes of the year sat with my Mum, waiting for Big Ben’s bongs. I’ll be home, but Mum, Dad and my not so little any more sister won’t. Recently, Mum returned to her younger days role of barmaid at our local social club. She was a barmaid in 1995 when she met my dad and I don’t think I realised, until lately, just how much she enjoyed the job. Originally, she said she was only taking it to earn a bit extra money to pay for Christmas, so that it didn’t have to use up all the money from her monthly wages. But it’s a week after Christmas now and there’s no signs of her stopping working. Of course, if she enjoys it that much then I’m more than happy for her. Why wouldn’t I be? It gets her out of the house doing something she once enjoyed very much and socialising with people she maybe wouldn’t meet otherwise; and as an added bonus, shes earning money for it. But it means that on top of her 9:30am to 6:00pm job at Salon Supplies, shes now working several nights a week, usually from 6pm to 11:30pm or later. Mostly, shes working weekends. It means shes a lot more tiered than she was and we’re seeing her less than we were. But it seems to be working. The ship’s still floating, just about. But tonight, the club is hosting a new year’s party, which Mum, who has already been given the role of top bar staff, is running. So that means shes not here. Dad and Tamsin aren’t, either, because they’re going to the party. Many people know my hatred of all things related to alcohol and loud noise so the club tonight would be my worst kind of nightmare. I wish the fact that my family were all going to be there was enough to convince me to endure it. But I just can’t. I’m pretty gutted though, mostly that I won’t be spending it with my Mum, who I can only remember not spending new year’s with once in all my twenty years. There may have been more when I was little but the only year I remember was in 2014 when I reluctantly decided to spend it with my then fiancé and his mum. Even though we had a nice time, I felt weird about not being with my Mum. I guess it’s a bit daft really. I’m sure they’ll all have a nice time here and I probably will too. My pal Josh is coming over to stay and Mum’s bought us a whole buffet load of food to munch through. Josh has agreed we can watch the Big Ben fireworks and even my sister Imi has said she should be available for FaceTime at some point. So it should be a nice night and its nice that I’ll have someone to spend it with. Otherwise, I’d have been on my own and probably gone to bed early. New year’s isn’t a big deal or anything. I don’t want a huge party and loads of alcohol. I just like spending it with those who mean the most. Of course, one year that meant I thought I wanted to spend it with the person I then thought I was going to marry. Obviously, now things are different. If I could, I’d have all my favourite people in the world in one room. Although I can’t have my family tonight, Im lucky to have Josh, who has been my friend 10 years next year.

Mostly, 2017 has been a great year for me. Ive been able to spend as much time as I possibly can with Kieran, I was given the chance to experience what having a guide dog is like and I’ve been to loads of great places. In June, I fulfilled a lifelong ambition of taking Mum to see one of her favourite bands live. The Take That concert is definitely one of my favourite nights of 2017. I expected them to be good and for Mum to enjoy it, but I didn’t anticipate quite how much. They were brilliant and Mum had a great time. We drove up to London together and spent a whole afternoon moseying around the O2. It’s huge! I wish I’d known how much it contained before we travelled. We were able to have Nando’s and spend the whole afternoon browsing everything else the O2 had on offer. After we were through security, we were taken straight to the front of the queue and let in quickly. Due to my haste to just get Mum some tickets for Take That, I hadn’t secured us very good seats, in fact they were the last row! But Mum didn’t seem the slightest bit bothered. She seemed to love the whole night. She was singing and dancing to every song. When I booked the tickets, I’d hoped it would be good and she’d enjoy herself, but I couldn’t have imagined how much. We got band merchandise and they sang all the best songs. What more could I have asked for? Even more than that, I had a rare opportunity to just spend some time with my Mum. Having a little sister and Dad means that is a real rarity but I do enjoy it when it happens.

Another opportunity for a just us day came 4 months later when we headed to London again, this time to see my all-time favourite band live. In 2011, whilst sitting in a Land Rover on its way to Salisbury with four people who mean a lot to me despite how little we talk these days, I was fully introduced to Train and to what will always be my favourite album of theirs, Save Me San Francisco. Ever since, I’ve collected every album of theirs I can find and loved them. So when I booked the tickets, I couldn’t have been more excited. Unfortunately the same couldn’t be said for Mum, who had only agreed to come because I needed someone to drive me and someone to be there with me. But even she still says they were amazing and she thoroughly enjoyed the evening. Once again I’d underestimated how much there would be to do once we reached London. This time, we were destined for the Hammersmith Apollo, a place I’d seen many comedian play on Tv. The Apollo was surrounded by loads, including two shopping centres. So Mum and I spent a few hours browsing everything before we had to queue to get inside. Once again, we were rushed straight to the front of the queue and got in a lot faster than others. I was even able to buy Train merchandise, something I hadn’t found before then. I got a T shirt with the tour dates on and a zip-up hoodie with them printed on too. Even I couldn’t have hoped Train to be quite as amazing as they were. Making my night perfect, they sang my all-time favourite song of theirs, Parachute. Mum managed to record loads of great videos, which I now forever have to replay one of my best nights of the year.

Of course it wouldn’t be right if I didn’t mention Zena a bit when talking about my 2017. She shaped the whole first half of my year. In January, I was excitedly anticipating her arrival and in February I was training and qualifying with her. March, April, May and June were spent trying to keep our partnership afloat and finally admitting it wasn’t working out. July was spent wishing she wasn’t gone and wondering if I’d done the right thing. By august, I was back in contact with Guide Dogs, asking to be assessed for one of their dogs. And I’ve spent the last few months working as hard as I can to learn new routes so that I’ll be enough for one of their dogs. It is true, I’ve become obsessed with being a Guide Dog owner, but now I think it is all for the right reasons. Zena gave me that. Although she never should have been a guide and I’m now thrilled shes retired as a pet, she showed me I was right all along: guide dog mobility is my favourite and best way to be independent. I’m now doing things I wouldn’t have dared to before zena and so although the whole having her is a bittersweet part of the year, overall I’m glad it happened. I got the opportunity to be mummy to a beautiful doggy for 5 months and in return she taught me the best ways to look after, groom, feed, walk and love a dog. When I evemtually get another guide dog, I know i’ll be able to put everything, good and bad, that she taught me into being a much better owner and dog mummy. I just hope that, wherever she is now, her new family are looking after her with the best care and loving her like I did. Because although we had a lot more bad than good, I love that girlie more than I can put into words. I know, though, that when I eventually get matched with a Guide Dog, it’ll be a much better partnership than Zena and I could ever have achieved. That, more than anything, is why I’m glad I didn’t persevere with Seeing Dogs and am persevering learning new routes with my lovely My Guide volunteer. The end result will be what I want and that’s what makes it all worthwhile.

Ive also managed to see my sister Imi twice this year and both times we had great fun. Josh and I have been meeting up weekly since early this year. We’ve also added more comedians to my seen live list: Shappi Khorsandi, Jon Richardson and Jimmy Carr were all incredible. Josh and I also went to see Lucy Spraggan live and saw her a second time with Imi up north. Ive continued to play cricket for Hampshire VICC and even got awarded “man of the match” for one of the games I played. Kieran and I have been lucky to see each other as much as we have due to my qualification with Zena and his gaining employment. That’s our dedication to each other. In 9 days time, we’ll have been a couple for two years. We’ve had the best times and I’m hoping 2018 provides many more.

Already, it is looking like 2018 is going to be a year full of great things. We are already booked to see Shappi Khorsandi and Kevin Bridges again. Josh and I will also be adding John Bishop to our seen comedians list. In June, the four of us (Josh, Imi, Kieran and I) are going to have what promises to be one of the best nights of our lives seeing Ed Sheeran live in Newcastle. I’m hoping perhaps 2018 may be the year I finally go to Anfield to see Liverpool play.

But the biggest thing that is going to happen to my family is scheduled for the 2nd of February. My big brother, Grant, who moved away almost 13 years ago has now found a lovely lady to settle down with. Along with her two gorgeous children, Grant and his girlfriend now have a lovely little house and in February, four is going to become five. I’m going to be an auntie to a niece, who I can assure you I will spoil. Grant and I haven’t really been close for years and I wanted to rectify this. So in September, after a lot of talking, I went up to stay with the little family for a weekend. That was then I wholeheartedly new how excited I was about being an auntie. Because not only will I gain a baby niece in February, my brother’s first born and my dad’s first grandchild, but I have a new honorary niece and nephew. Grant’s girlfriend’s children are adorable and I’m blessed that she’s adopted me as their auntie Paige. I couldn’t have hoped for more. So in 2018 I intend to be spending a lot of time in Stoke-On-Trent with my nieces and nephew.

Lastly, my progress with my studies has been constant this year. I haven’t had any wobbles about changing course or quitting. Ive completed K118, my second Level 1 health and social care module just how I planned to and moved onto Level 2 with K217 and K240, achieving good scores in the first assignments for both. In 2018, I hope to continue steadily with both until I finish and pass them before moving onto Level 3 in october and starting my final two modules of OU study. By this point in two years, I hope to be sitting here with a good level degree and employment. But who knows?

So 2018 looks like it’s going to be a good year. I hope all of my family and friends remain healthy and hope 2018 brings good things for everyone, too. I’m hopeful, if I work hard on my routes, that I’ll get on the Guide Dogs waiting list sometime next year too. I’m not over ambitious, I don’t expect to have a new dog by this time next year. But you never know. I hope that I get to spend lots of time with all those who mean the most. And maybe, this time next year, Mum won’t be working and we can bring 2019 in together. Maybe.