So here we are again at the end of another year and I’m going to write about what 2019 has held for me, on the brink of welcoming 2020 at midnight. This year, I’m not celebrating New Year’s Eve; in fact, this year for the first year in a long time I very much doubt that I’ll be awake when Big Ben chimes at midnight. This year, just like New Year’s Eve 2017, my Mum has to work at our local social club, where she’s been working her weekend evening shifts for 2 years now, despite the fact that it was only ever meant to be a temporary arrangement until Christmas 2 years ago. But mostly Mum seems to enjoy the job and rarely gets any hassle from any drunk idiots. From my perspective, though, I still don’t like much that she works there. It means 3 nights a week she’s out working until midnight on top of her regular 5-day-a-week job that she’s had for years. But of course the money helps her not be so strapped when it comes to bills and necessities. Personally, I can’t stand the environment of the club and ever since Mum started up working there I’ve refused to go down, even though Dad quite often spends a Saturday night there, sometimes joined by Tamsin, Nan and Grandad. I just hate it there and would rather be at home on my own than there. That’s why it makes me sad that Mum has to work tonight; it’s not that New Year’s Eve is really a big deal to celebrate or anything. But I do feel it’s an occasion you should spend with people that matter most, not working hard until all hours of the night serving people who are becoming more and more unpredictable through drink. Although, touch wood, Mum’s generally been lucky with rowdy customers like I said, things can quickly kick off and become out of hand at that place and I don’t want my Mum, however much she can look after herself, caught up in any of that. So while Mum’s down the club working, and Dad goes to join her later in the evening, Tamsin and I will be celebrating New Year’s here together. She didn’t want to go down the club either and I’m quite glad of the company. Last time Mum had to work, Dad and Tamsin went down the club with her and my good pal Josh came over to stay and keep me company. I definitely wouldn’t want to be completely on my own, even if I am asleep early. There is a chance we’ll be up watching the fireworks on telly if we haven’t fallen asleep and that’s definitely something to do with company.
Fortunately, overall I’ve had a good 2019 that’s brought me much positivity and allowed me to make many more great memories. The first event of the year again was Kieran’s birthday followed a day later by our anniversary. Luckily, this year I was able to celebrate Kieran’s 22nd birthday and our 3rd anniversary with Kieran. I travelled up to Newcastle just before Kieran’s birthday. I’m lucky in that I already have almost the same trip booked for 2020, so that I can celebrate Kieran’s 23rd birthday and our 4th anniversary with him.
Throughout the year, Kieran and I also managed to see each other a few other times too. Unfortunately, I haven’t managed to travel up to Newcastle as much as I’d intended. As he has for all my birthdays since we’ve been together, Kieran flew down to stay with us in May for a week. Due to the birthday present he and Josh had arranged for me — tickets to see Russell Howard live at the BIC — in September Kieran flew down to stay again. We had an excellent time seeing Russell live, and also enjoyed Romesh Rangernathan live at the Mayflower the night before. Travelling to Bournemouth via train and staying in the Premier Inn hotel overnight was also fun. After those shows, Josh also booked us a comedy show to see next March, Ed Byrne, so we have that to look forward to. As well as that, I also stayed with Kieran and family for a week, during which we spent a weekend at their new rather fancy caravan. I stayed at their older more traditional caravan several times before they upgraded it this year. Although I did enjoy going to the old one, the new one is much more comfortable with its central heating and multiple bedrooms.
In March, two small furry creatures moved in at home. After months of us nagging her, Mum finally relented and allowed me to buy guinea pigs for Tamsin and I. We chose a white female with spiky ridges along her back and a brown & white smooth haired female and named them Peanut & Smudge. A month later, a third was added to the group; Hazel, who had crazy fluffy ginger & white fur quickly became my favourite. I had done a lot of research into looking after guinea pigs before we bought them so always kept their cage clean, tried to handle them as often as I could and always ensured their hay, pellets, veg and water was regularly refreshed or topped up. I bought them an indoor pen so that they had a safe space to be besides their cage and planned to get an outdoor run in the summer so they could have time out on the lawn. I loved the girls very much, especially Hazel, but over the last couple of months I found caring for them harder and harder. I’d chosen the bedding for their cage that was easiest for me to keep cleanest with minimal mess: vet bedding on top with newspaper lining the cage and towels in between to soak up the mess that filtered through the vet bedding. I did daily poo picking with a weekly full clean. The agreement when we’d bought them was that Tamsin was going to help with all the looking after. Sadly, despite all the research she’d done herself and the months of begging, she quickly lost interest and everything was left to me to do. At first, I was fine with that, thinking I’d be able to do it all myself and happy to take on 100% of their care. But it quickly became clear that there was a lot of things I needed help with. For example, cleaning out their indoor pen after they’d used it meant putting some disinfectant in it and hosing it outdoors. I wasn’t able to do this so it was left to my parents. When we’d got the girls, Mum’s main rule was that she didn’t want things left to her to do. She was against us getting them in the first place so now she’d relented she didn’t want to regret it. I could easily understand this; with the amount she works as well as generally looking after us and the house, 3 guinea pigs daily care added to her chores wasn’t something she needed. I’d been determined things wouldn’t be left to her to do but more and more she ended up doing. Add to that I couldn’t afford an outdoor run that was safe enough for them given the fact that the only person around during weekdays to supervise them was me and supervising isn’t one of my strong points. Plus, they were only getting floor time once a week while I cleaned their cage. All of this I didn’t think was fair and wasn’t giving them the life they deserved or what I’d planned when I’d imagined having guinea pigs. I don’t believe you should keep animals just because you love them, want them and can’t bear the idea of letting them go. If you aren’t giving them a good enough life then finding them a better one elsewhere is the right thing to do. So the Saturday before Christmas, while mum was at a hair appointment, Dad drove me to Poole where the 3 girls joined Guinea Pig Corner Dorset rescue. Since then, the lady who runs it has found them new homes which they’ll be moving into soon and I’m sure be very happy. Although I loved having them, I’m sure now I’ve done absolutely the right thing for them and us. I do miss them, but I know they’re going to be living much happier lives in their new homes.
Last year, when Take That, one of Mum’s favourite bands, announced that they were going to be performing a concert at Saint Mary’s stadium as part of their tour celebrating 30 years as a band, I just knew I had to get Mum tickets. So on the 25th of May, on a gloriously sunny evening, Mum and I headed over to the stadium to see Take That live for the 2nd time. We originally saw them at the O2 in London in June 2017 and both absolutely loved the concert. Although Mum enjoyed herself just as much this time around, I didn’t think the band sounded as good. Maybe it was because we were in an open ground rather than a closed in room or maybe it was because the crowd just weren’t as interactive and enthusiastic as the crowd were in london; whatever it was, it meant that although I did enjoy the show and loved that I’d been able to attend Take That live with Mum a 2nd time around, I didn’t love the show like i had the first time. But as Mum loves Take That so much and I do enjoy their music a lot, when they announced they were also broadcasting their show live in cinemas 2 weeks after we’d seen them live, I had to get tickets to that too. Tamsin joined us for the cinema show and we had a great time; I’d even go so far as to say I enjoyed it that little bit more than the stadium show because the cinema audience were really into it and the audio equipment made it sound great.
A month later, we had another live in cinemas concert to see live. When they announced they were reuniting after 7 years away and doing a tour to celebrate as a band, I’d been very excited and hoped I’d be able to see Westlife live. If I had, it would have been the 2nd time seeing them perform live too as I saw them back in 2011 before they disbanded when they played a show in nearby Romsey. Both Mum and Nan Marg are big fans of Westlife too so I’d hoped we’d all be able to see a concert together like the original time. Sadly, the closest Westlife were playing to Southampton was London and Nan hates going on motorways and said she wouldn’t want to go that far. Although I looked into buying tickets, Mum and I decided it was too expensive anyway. But when they announced they’d be broadcasting the final show of the tour live in cinemas, I knew I just had to get the 3 of us tickets. Tamsin was offered too but said she wasn’t interested. Luckily, I bought us tickets no problem and in early July the 3 of us saw the show at the cinema. We all had a great night and it was lovely hearing my childhood favourites sing live once again. They performed loads of their old hits as well as the new singles they’d released so far. After the show, we were all adamant that if Westlife ever played nearby again, we’d have to go. And our luck was in as only a few months later they announced they’d be performing a show live at the Ageas Bowl Southampton next summer. Nan said as long as the tickets were under £50 she’d love to go. Mum was happy too so I signed up to the presale mailing list and hoped. But I didn’t manage to secure presale tickets. It’s thanks to my good pal Josh that Nan, Mum and I have 3 tickets to see Westlife live at the Ageas Bowl next summer. At 9am on the Friday morning they were released, Josh phoned me and secured us the tickets while he was on the phone to me through his Ticketmaster account. At over £60 a ticket, it’s my disability that I have to thank that we’re actually going because without the free carer ticket available, it would have over our budget. I’m now very excited about seeing them live next year and think Mum and Nan are too.
In august, I went to stay with Nan Marg and Grandad John for 10 days while Mum, Dad and Tamsin went on holiday to Rhodes in Greece. They’d booked it last November and tried to bribe me into going. We went on a lot of summer holidays when I was little and although I enjoyed them, lounging beside the pool or on a beach all day isn’t my kind of holiday these days. Plus, I can easily do what I’d be doing beside a pool or on the sand at home stretched out in the garden or on my bed. I’d just be listening to audiobooks or music and would prefer to do it without the extreme heat. So I decided to stay at home and move into Nan and Grandad’s while they were away. At first, I wasn’t sure how it was going to go. Nan and Grandad are very laidback these days and don’t go far. Even going on the bus into town for them is now more of a chore than an enjoying day out. I was worried I’d get cabin fever being stuck in their little bungalow for 10 days, especially considering their WiFi isn’t great. This sounds very first-world problem-ish and it is, really. I soon realised that once I was with them, too, and found I really enjoyed staying with them. They did their best to make sure we left the house at least once a day, even if it was just to visit my 92-year-old great-Nan to make sure she was ok and give her some company. Nan cooked a different meal for our main dinner each night and some days we went out for lunch. They always tried to find things on TV that I might be interested in around their usual programs and didn’t mind if I had my earphones in during the evening when programs — like Emmerdale and Coronation Street — that I wasn’t at all interested in were on so I could listen to the football commentary or my audiobook. One special event that did happen while I stayed with Nan and Grandad was on my very last day with them when Southampton FC played Liverpool FC at Saint Mary’s stadium and we attended. Loving Liverpool as much as I do, I wish I’d been able to attend more of their matches so when I found out their match away to Southampton was while I stayed with Nan and Grandad — Grandad being a big Saints fan and Nan enjoying football too — I was desperate to get tickets. I wanted to go myself of course but even more than that I wanted to treat Nan and Grandad to going. Even though Grandad supports his local team and the stadium is only a short drive from where they live, he doesn’t attend many football matches either and I knew he’d enjoy going. Plus, I’d missed the Saints vs Liverpool match at the stadium last season because Dad didn’t fancy going with me. Luckily, I was able to get the 3 of us good tickets and on a lovely warm Saturday we watched Liverpool beat Southampton. I even had audio description commentary which really improved my experience of attending a match. Nan and Grandad weren’t too disappointed that Southampton lost; really, I think they were just glad we’d been able to go together. On the way home, I treated them to fish and chips tea as an extra thank you. I wanted to thank them for having me because I really had enjoyed spending so much time with them. Back in June, they’d flown to canada for a visit to our relatives out there and I’d decided not to join them even though they’d been very persistent in inviting me. I loved my trip to canada in 2014 and had always said if the opportunity came to go again I’d love to. But as I was due to finish my uni degree in early June — around the time they were planning to go — was waiting for the call from Guide Dogs and would be looking for employment, I decided I just couldn’t go this time. In hindsight, I wish I had gone but I made my decision and at the time it was the right one. However, them being away at the time they were meant Grandad would celebrate his 80th birthday abroad and away from all of us. As a family, we were all a bit gutted about that; Grandad is a very special man to all of us and we wanted to celebrate his milestone with him. Thankfully, we were able to speak to him on the phone on the day, he could read the messages we posted on social media through his brother’s account and once they were home Nan organised a barbecue so we could celebrate late with him. But by going to the football match, as well as a big thank you for having me to stay, I felt I was giving Grandad an extra special present.
While I stayed with them, Nan had even agreed for the guinea pigs to move in with me for my stay to save us having to drive to my house every single day so I could carry out their daily routines of topping up hay, adding their fresh veg and poo picking. Having them up there with me meant I had something else to focus on; it definitely broke up the monotony on the days when we didn’t go out which Nan spent doing housework. Plus, it turned out that Nan and Grandad kind of fell in love with them and were sad when they came back home after the holiday was over. The cage was positioned in Nan and Grandad’s little entrance hall which leads directly into the kitchen. Where Grandad sat at the dining table each morning and evening to eat meant he could observe the guinea pigs. Most mealtimes, he sat mesmerised, chatting away to the girls. Nan helped me prepare the veg and was always finding new questions to ask about them. Both grandparents chatted endlessly to the girls; every morning when they first got up and went to make breakfast they’d say good morning. Then, at night when Nan was turning off the lights and locking up the house she’d say goodnight. If either of them was doing anything in the kitchen you could guarantee they’d at least say hello to the girls. Sadly, I’d say the girls got more attention by everyone except me in those 10 days than they did the 9 months they lived at home with us. The positioning of their cage at Nan and Grandad’s meant they were in a perfect place for people to chat to them as they did whatever they needed to in the kitchen. Since the girls have gone, I’ve realised that from the start we should have had them in a better place like the living room from the start. Maybe that would have encouraged Tamsin to be more involved. I’ll never know now. But what I do know is that there wont be any more pets in this house. We’ll stick to my lovely 12-year-old cat Coco for as long as she lives and of course the new arrival of the Guide Dog when it comes.
As that line suggests, sadly 2019 hasn’t been the year I received that magical call from Guide Dogs to say they’d found me a match. Ive had contact with them throughout the year, enquiring about my status on the waiting list, but never the phone call I’ve been hoping for. Currently, I’ve been waiting on the list 14 months. I expect at least probably another 2 months if not more. In some ways, though, I’ve gotten used to waiting now and will just be relieved when the call comes. I’m sure, really, that wont be the only emotion I feel the day that call comes. But for now I’ve become quite passive about waiting. I’m hoping the wait wont be too much longer, though, because 14 months is long enough. I expected to wait a while and I’m glad I hadn’t been unrealistic in my expectations of the waiting time because I can easily imagine how discouraged a person who hadn’t been prepared to wait so long could become. When my call comes, it won’t be a moment too soon. I am almost 100% sure that the call will come in 2020 so just like I imagined this time last year when writing my New Year’s Eve 2018 post, hopefully when I’m writing my 2020 one, there really will be a four-legged furry companion, other than Coco, curled up next to me while I tap away.
Although I haven’t had my matching call, my lovely sister Imi had a surprise call in October after the decision was made that Laila needed to retire earlier in the year. 3 weeks into her training, Josh and I traveled up to York to stay with Imi so we could attend a Lucy Spraggan concert. This meant we got to meet Imi’s gorgeous new sidekick, the small but mighty Sammy. We had a wonderful time with Imi that weekend, catching up, going on walks and enjoying each other’s company. Sadly, we don’t get to see each other very often so the time we get together is always lovely and of course meeting Sammy made it extra special too.
As I wrote towards the end of last year’s post, I’d been planning to start volunteering with a local charity at the beginning of this year after being granted the equipment I needed to complete the tasks of the role adequately. I did start that volunteering at the end of January and have been going most wednesdays ever since. Ive worked in the office with the other staff members and my role has mostly been to conduct surveys with the charity’s clients to ensure the services they provide are to the clients’ satisfaction. Ive also invited clients to events such as tea parties. In June, I also interviewed for a paid position within the organisation, which would have meant me working as part of the city’s new mental health network, something I was really interested in. Sadly, my lack of IT skills in Excel meant they decided I wasn’t suitable for the role. Although it took me a while to get over it, I continued to volunteer and have joined in on 2 office lunches out, which I’ve been really grateful to have been invited to. Volunteering has helped me develop my IT skills and communication skills and I’m really grateful to my Guide Dogs My Guide volunteer Jenny for suggesting it to me last year. It really has been a great opportunity for me and I feel really grateful to the team for including me so well. It’s definitely helped to have had such an understanding and inclusive team as my first step towards employment.
As also predicted last year, this May I finished my Health and Social Care degree with The Open University and after receiving good results in July, I graduated in London in September with a BA (Honours) 2.1 upper 2nd class in Health and Social Care. I’d been shocked on receiving the results in July as I hadn’t expected to achieve a 2.1. I hadn’t expected my scores to be quite high enough but somehow I just managed it. It was such a relief and a pleasure. It meant the last 4 years I’d spent studying and writing assignments had been worthwhile. I’d aimed for a 2.1 from the beginning so to have achieved my goal really felt great to me. Graduation in London was nice, too. Mum, Dad and Tamsin came and I hired the traditional graduation gown to wear during the ceremony. Because of my sight, Mum was allowed to guide me up onstage and across, which was really special to me. Dad managed to video me walking onstage, too, so all the family who hadn’t come but wanted to see it were able to watch it afterwards. Really, although I felt proud receiving my degree, I did feel it was more a day for my parents to celebrate and be proud of me. Doing an Open Uni degree is very solitary. I didn’t have tons of mates made in lectures or tutors I could talk to endlessly about my work. I just had the few other students in the online forums and social media groups and the allocated tutors who communicated mostly via email. Parents weren’t really involved at all in my studies, except for when they had to deal with the fact that I needed to spend time studying rather than with them. But on graduation they got a feeling of the size of my achievement and were able to celebrate with me.
As I’ve not been a student since the end of May, finding things to do with all my spare time has been difficult. Luckily, I’ve had the voluntary role once a week and my My Guide sessions with the lovely Jenny as well as irregular meetings with my city council employment adviser to fill some of the freedom. I’d hoped that, now I’d finished uni and had much more time, my employment adviser might actually be able to find me some more opportunities leading to employment. Although we’ve worked together for 2 and a half years, many of the avenues she’s ventured down for me have been dead ends and not much has actually come out of our sessions. In October time, she arranged for me to start an ICT qualification at one of the local colleges. But it has taken a long time to be arranged and as yet I haven’t actually started college. Now, it doesn’t look like I will be, either.
At the end of November, I was casually browsing Facebook as I do at intervals during the day when I saw a post my godmother had shared for her daughter to see. It was a job advert at our local hospital for administration apprentices. As an apprenticeship had been what I was ideally looking for and admin something I’d sort-of been doing in my voluntary role, I looked further into the job advert and decided to apply. I was given an interview at the beginning of this month and was surprised to receive a call saying they were offering me the job. I then had to go back to the hospital for a tour of the different departments looking for admin apprentices and say which I preferred. They were hiring several people so had to sort out who suited which department best. I was so lucky to get another call saying they felt the spinal department, which I’d stated as my preference, was the most suitable for me and would I like to accept the job, which of course I did. It’s an 18 month apprenticeship. Currently, I don’t have a start date as I need to make a claim to Access To Work — the company who provide all the practical support, such as assistive technology and transport, that enables disabled people to work independently. But I’ve passed the pre-employment checks and have the details of my new manager ready to arrange my start date and hours in the new year. I’m very excited about starting work and glad that I won’t be sitting around unemployed doing nothing anymore. But obviously I’m nervous too. Ive never worked before and getting used to new routines, duties and people will be a challenge to begin with. However all the members of staff I’ve met so far during the interview process have been more than lovely so I’m feeling hopeful that this could be the kickstart into employment I need. Having volunteered for nearly a year has definitely given me extra confidence to start this new job and all of the lovely comments from the staff during the interview process has definitely given me extra reassurance.
So I have a lot to look forward to in 2020. Not only have I finally found employment and am just waiting for that call from Guide Dogs, I already have 2 scheduled meet-ups with Kieran arranged: my trip to spend Kieran’s birthday and our anniversary together next week and Kieran’s visit down here for the Ed Byrne show in March. If I’m lucky, Kieran will also be able to take some holiday time from work and visit for my birthday and I’ll be able to take some holiday time myself to go up to Newcastle later in the year too. It’s nice though that we already know when we’re going to see each other again. Long distance is difficult, especially with the additional complications that work and studying have brought, and I’m sure that’s only going to get more complicated now I’m going to be working too. But it’s always worth it, especially as we both make the effort to spend time together. Who knows what else 2020 will bring, but I’m looking forward to it already. I hope it brings happiness and good health to all my friends and relations and not too much sadness. Every year always has its ups and downs but hopefully it’ll be a mostly positive one for all those I love and care about. Although 2019 has been a mostly good year, sadly I’ve learnt of the loss of two people who have influenced my life greatly at different stages. Firstly, in February Mrs Julie Lavington, who was my support assistant during junior school, passed away suddenly. I was deeply saddened to hear of her passing as although I hadn’t been too appreciative of it at the time, I can now look back and say she helped me a lot at school and was a genuinely kind and caring lady. Secondly, earlier this month Mrs Debbie Matthews passed away after a lengthy battle with cancer. Mrs Matthews was one of the support assistants in the VI Unit at Toynbee School and mostly supported me in my art lessons. It’s fair to say that without her I’d never have been able to pursue my interest in art and definitely never complete a GCSE qualification in the subject. She was one of the loveliest kindest most caring people I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing and I’ll never forget her positivity and the way she never had a bad word to say about anyone. I’ll always be grateful for the influence both of these women had on my life and am thinking of their families tonight as it must be a difficult time for them preparing for a new year without their loved one. But they were both great women and I’m sure their families will take comfort in knowing how loved and appreciated they both were.
So for now, here’s to 2019, a year that has brought me much happiness, many good times but sadly some loss too. I feel grateful for many things that I’ve had this year including seeing Kieran, Imi and Josh as regularly as we can all manage; the chance to volunteer at an organisation that does so much good as part of such a welcoming team; still having the lovely Jenny as my My Guide volunteer helping me refresh current routes and learn new ones; the opportunity to own 3 lovely guinea pigs even if it didn’t work out how I planned; achieving my degree with a 2.1 and attending graduation with my family; being offered my first job that isn’t just for the sake of being employed but connected to my health and social care degree pathway; the chance to go to shows including Take That and Russell Howard… But most importantly I’m grateful for the continued mainly good health for myself and the ones I love mos and the opportunity for them and I to live such a good quality of life. I don’t think anyone appreciates life nearly as much as they should but especially those like myself that have things like a permanent roof over our heads, warm bed to sleep in at night, mostly peaceful country. I hope 2020 continues those things.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
A5Ramblings 